tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22671468911222902172024-03-19T03:48:41.403+01:00bea hivelittle safe place for all my funkadelic psychosis =)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger229125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-62672123962291137682013-09-18T13:50:00.001+02:002013-09-18T13:53:34.093+02:00it's time to leave and start living<br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I have in the recent years come across a notion, that some people are sceptical about ones mission here on this Earth. I mean I know there is more and more talking about how we must again find ourselves and to reconnect with our innerself and it can sometimes get a bit anoying, especially if you are not very fond of this kind of things and thoughts, but the fact is that it is inevitable for us to face this fact.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yes, for me it's a fact. Because I have already done some work and relatively succesfully transcended a couple of my old patterns and paradigms. But yet the hardest paradigm to overcome is the one that we are holding together as humanity. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are one organism. We grew in certain patterns and were raised and shaped by similar ideas of what the world is supossed to look like and how it is supossed to run. We were thought so and rarely one questions what majority accepts. But yet some do. And I was always the one of the few that did. And that is why noone can in this moment convince me, that I can not change the world around me. Noone can for a longer period of time deprive me of my own accpeted reality, because it is now deeply inside me. And I believe in it. But not as a naive believer or a lost soul, seeking for help...but as a firmly convinced individual aware that all is but an ilussion and nothing that seems important, really is.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I am at the same moment a hard rock, firmly located on the ground and a flowing water, willingly changing it's current to obstacles coming its way. A controversy one may say, but knowing that only change is the permanent thing in life, the previous sentence makes perfect sense.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">One thing that prevents me from having my eureka moment is the strong wish of having one. And maybe the key answer to this problem is to embrace the sentence that "it si only the path that matters, not the goal". But I am yet waiting for something to happen, for something or someone to give me a sign that this is it. And maybe my expectations are preventing me from reaching that moment, because it doesn't feel as I have imagined. And how do you know how something feels, if you've never felt it? How can you say, THIS IS IT! if it's supposedly to happen once in your life. I guess it's like with love, yoou know it's love when you feel it, even if you've never felt it before. I don't know. Maybe.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #d9d2e9;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And to get back to my starting point, let's talk about our life's mission. I believe that all this boom created around it is a bit too much, but necesary if we want to inform people, they have the right to pursue their dreams and be happy with no reason of whatsoever, because it is their birth right. Because it is the time of change. The time to create. The time to live to ones full potential. The time to end the era of mind slavery and become free of limits that were put into our minds.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrrpdAF8TtG3noCabxIAt_ZlgXWMhQ6pYx0qEXGrCZEpBtTHy3w-MfcvayDH_KIznE4jPxa2mUeL1eZwQwlQqDR0S5DV-EP7O0e_7gMrxz8N0jHeLgATTom_HAxzvgvIoHxYIdXF4lhh8/s1600/walking-barefoot-298x232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrrpdAF8TtG3noCabxIAt_ZlgXWMhQ6pYx0qEXGrCZEpBtTHy3w-MfcvayDH_KIznE4jPxa2mUeL1eZwQwlQqDR0S5DV-EP7O0e_7gMrxz8N0jHeLgATTom_HAxzvgvIoHxYIdXF4lhh8/s400/walking-barefoot-298x232.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">i think my hive really needs a spring cleanup. been neglecting it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">so, here i am just chillin' at home since i am sick. again. it's this spring turnover of the temperatures and me being too brave too fast. i am a warrior that is true. but to go into a fight too fast like i did with the short sleeves and all...i think it was a bit exagurated. nevermind. at least i have a lot of time to think about stuff. you know, just stuff.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">since i have returned from Brasil i know that how i live is not really how i want to live. and it has nothing to do with Brasil actually. well in a way maybe it does. i just feel i can not take all that static routine anymore. but i knew that before. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">and all that walking. it also got me thinking about how soooo wrong this society is. it is sick. really. i am not much of a walker or a runner for that matter, but walking around Brasil on my trip showed me, how my body responded completely differently to my new habit. yes i was tired every evening, but everything else was awesome. i lost weight, i felt great about that and my metabolsim was totally on the run like nver before. someone might think i am writting nonsense, but it is true. walking is our primary function, our body's function. we are certainly not meant to sit for 8 hours in the office and be still. we are not!</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffe599;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">so my spring resolutions are, start living your truth and walk more! </span></span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-79169762410901706172012-11-04T23:30:00.002+01:002012-11-04T23:32:42.336+01:00time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, this Brasil thing is getting closer and closer. Since I have bought my plane ticket last week, I still can not even imagine my dream coming true. I can not even imagine myself there without getting the butterflies in my stomach. It's kinda like being in love, but in this case with the country. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I don't know. I don't want to put high hopes on this trip since it's "just" a trip...but being in this state of mind as I am and with all this thoughts inside my head...I can't even make up my mind where to travel. The country is HUGE. And I of course want to see the most of it in one month.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Secretly I am counting on some changes in my life until then but I really haven't told anyone about it. I know deep inside, that this kind of life that I'm living now is not really for me. I am trying really hard to get in touch with my soul and listen to my intuition. There are things opening around me, new worlds, new opportunities, new horizons...I see potential in everything, I am just not brave enough to jump and swim. I'm a coward that is hooked on security. But on the other hand I know I'm sometimes too hard on myself. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #6aa84f;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And this is how I count time now. Before I go to Brasil. And after I come from Brasil. </span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-12967018049647522652012-10-28T17:00:00.002+01:002012-10-28T17:00:24.749+01:00Understand the under. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHrfdI_qY8Lm5Xc2clM_4ehd_TYCUzHVfY44b3Bkcpjdln3x5YNV5rXNRqcUsal-dQD1bpbgJpVs42DIUx5kU0EL1RbfQ7KZJy0QyHDR6iOIJVRmCZsgPl8oVFHnQBPm5_bNz8_eqecYI/s1600/kozarec.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHrfdI_qY8Lm5Xc2clM_4ehd_TYCUzHVfY44b3Bkcpjdln3x5YNV5rXNRqcUsal-dQD1bpbgJpVs42DIUx5kU0EL1RbfQ7KZJy0QyHDR6iOIJVRmCZsgPl8oVFHnQBPm5_bNz8_eqecYI/s400/kozarec.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I haven't been around lately but the other day a new facebook friend (which I don't actually know in person but nevertheless) reminded me of my blog. So I've juts been waiting for the perfect moemnt to return to this empty board and scratch some new ideas into it and publish them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There is really no special ocassion that I have returned today..well, maybe except first snow of this autumn, but I will surely have some stuff to write down.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It is one of my habits that whenever I start a new post, I usually read the previous one published and by that I see where have I gone from there. And today, I realised I have gone far. This summer was crazy, I have felt amazing all through July and August. Been there, done that I just could not believe sometimes that all that energy is within me. But then it struck me. Even to this day I don't know what happened, but in a certain moment I was so sad and heavy inside. It was for no apparent reason whatsoever that my mood changed and suddenly all I have wanted was to be left alone and spend my time in isolation. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Not that I was refusing company at all cost, but even if I was spending time with my closest friends, I didn't feel comfortable. It was wierd. It still is a bit, because they've been asking me what's with me, if I am okay and stuff. And to tell you the truth, that is the last thing I want to be asked. Because the problem is that even I don't understand it and having all this thoughts inside, there is no need in anyone else bringing the subject up. But I know they are just worried about me, because I am usually the loudest one and in the middle of attention. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There was even a very intense experience one time at the end of the August at a drumming workshop. We were visiting friends in the ecovillage in the mountains where we were suppossed to attend a drumming workshop. Me myself love the drums, but I am not very keen in playing them for several hours learning the beats until your hands get all swallen and you can't feel your fingers. So I decided I won't be drumming, but rather spend some quiet time around my friends making dreamcatchers instead. Unfortunatelly my idea did not work out so well, because Sebastjan needed an extra drummer on the drums so I did some drumming.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But what I felt inside was this wierd heavy energy that made me wanna cry over and over again. And I didn't know why. I still don't know. And I still sometimes cry in my bed before I go to sleep. Just for a minute of two, but the fact is that I cry now knowing why and it's quite frustrating. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The only explanation at this moment is that it has something to do with my process that I was doing during the whole summer. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It is a boook called The presence process. You work on your subconscious mind for 10 weeks, meditating twice per day and each week processing another theme. It is supposed to be a strong technique in revealing and overcoming old patterns we all carry inside ourselves and transcending our old paradigms. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So from what I concluded my present mood is a consequence of all that. It might be, that there's also other stuff that I come across daily in my life, afterall there has been some vigorous happening lately. The most recent one being the stressfull experience of doubting into my writting and editing of our site www.ekologicen.si . </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #ffd966;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">All this and more, how can one not have moments of weakness, sadness, downfall and doubt. But as I have come so far, knowing that life is all about changes I try to quietly sit back and accept all that is coming to me and just let is flow through me. Which brings me to one of my latest posts about feeling overwhelmed, light and grateful. Life is nothing but balancing your path through different obstacles and goals. </span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-40748019759841048912012-07-16T22:05:00.001+02:002012-07-16T22:06:43.884+02:00thankful - grateful<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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been there, done that. but i'm here again. sometimes i regret that all those thousands of thoughts that run daily through my mind are not listed somewhere, and especially the feeling that overwhelm me.</div>
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lately my heart is so happy. so light. so simple. i vibrate in an amazing way. i am starting to understand things are so simple really. the less you complicate and hold all that dense energy inside, the less you suffer. you start to flow. and don't worry, i am not talking about that eteric floating above the ground, not knowing what is happening around you, i am talking about happy dance! i am talking about all that good energy that sudenly starts to evaporate from your heart and soul, about all the good people that are happening around you. the smiles on your face. the amazing feeling you are feeling inside, no matter the circumstances. </div>
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i know, i am certain that i am on a right path. that my life is going the way it should and is meant to. i just know. because it FEELS right. not because everything is as the society expects it to be...but because deep inside me, i know. i am happy. i am so grateful! truly grateful for my life, for everything that happened to me and thought me the lessons i had to learn. and i know this is how it is meant to be. i have faith! not in God, Alah, Buda or Deepak Chopra...but faith in light! i am simply grateful and faithful!</div>
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thank you for everything! <3</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-4052911296203458822012-05-06T14:03:00.002+02:002012-05-06T14:08:32.334+02:00brasil<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg56ieKqNlm49M6hOvALW-ul4gFQl5gns7nMfvu6XFQZUjwdC91BzCdLjN65R1BvJ3tqME4S-W1Ol9kcaWOgLCxVV3S3XNnnt6okdCOBHO52Q8sK_TtT9a8wiAyzlNAeS1k7Iajtw8fwZE/s1600/brazil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg56ieKqNlm49M6hOvALW-ul4gFQl5gns7nMfvu6XFQZUjwdC91BzCdLjN65R1BvJ3tqME4S-W1Ol9kcaWOgLCxVV3S3XNnnt6okdCOBHO52Q8sK_TtT9a8wiAyzlNAeS1k7Iajtw8fwZE/s400/brazil.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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i turned 30. finally. not that i've been eagerly waitting for it, but the myth is finally broken. and a new dawn is rising for me. i could definitely say that, afterall my 30th bday bash was a total blast!! it still brings tears to my eyes when i remember the filling that ran through my body, when i curiously opened the envelope my friendz gave me. and when i was to find out that they're sending me to brasil, i could only collapse to the ground and cry...cry out of happiness and gratitude but mostly because i have never before felt so loved, surrounded by people that care for me and really wish me the best. all my dreamz came true, even more than that. i have become to realize that maybe i was underestimating my capability to settle into other people's hearts. i'm still having trouble realizing that i guess. i try to do good, be good to others and be grateful for everything, but rarely do i take credits i might also mean a lot to others. it's hard to imagine how other people see you, afterall we are all different, with our own ideas, wishes, expectations and demands. </div>
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on the other hand i'm scared. to someone it might sound ridiculous, what is there to be scared of, when your dreams are becoming true. but there is. if your wish is so strong as mine is, can reality reach that idealistic picture i have made inside my head in all this years of my wish to travel to my dream country. what will happen there, will i be dissapointed, will i realize i don't want to leave that place to come back home, will i simply get so obverwhelmed that i won't be able to relax and take the most of it. argh, all this questions come to my mind, and my thoughts just keep drifting away during my reading of lonely planet guide. </div>
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oh, but i guess all this thoughts are just normal and sooner or later, when i will get used to the fact that i AM REALLY going there, my mind will simply take it easy and by the time i arrive there i'll just easily slip into that brasil-mode and samba my way to the streets of Salvador. afterall, it's just a country...most beautiful in the world.</div>
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in my heart i feel gratitude. loads and loads of it.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-5894701334809474362012-04-22T11:01:00.000+02:002012-05-06T14:10:56.896+02:00routine vs. change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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fresh starts with old things and people, that's what i call ultimate recycling. been a while since i've written any thing here, but i've been quite busy with my other stuff. but then i've asked myself what are you doing, for who, is it worth it..where are you? i have a slight feeling i might have forgotten about myself for a moment. so today, on this quiet sunday morning i have clicked here to my good old blog, the first of many i have and i am dedicating myself 5 minutes of attention.</div>
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so many things are happening i don't even keep up with them, but yet it seems sometimes i don't really move anywhere. i keep looping in the same round. same people, same things, same thoughts...for a moment there i would be happy for something to change. change. change. change. </div>
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can you believe that someone can be bored in the middle of the war going on? yeah well, that's me. bored in a way that i am really sick and tired of same old, same old challenges i have to master. because when i stick to one for too long, i simply don't find the thrills anymore.</div>
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i am a funny human actually. it is in my character to have to have things under control and in place, but on the other side i get so bored by routine. some people can simply go on an on with the same paths, same people, same jobs. me? no way! i know it's contradictory, but that is how i feel. </div>
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another thing is about me and people in my life. the close ones. the closest ones. being in a relationship now it was a storm and a half when he came into my life. he came slowly and rather smoothly, but yet i was terrified of what will happen, and how will his presence change my ways. because i love my ways. and i am so greateful for his patience, for his understanding, and i admire him so much for he has changed so much. and i know he is changing for me too. because he loves me. and that's what amazases me the most. actions of devotion and love. he is in a way my teacher. because he teaches me how to overcome my ego. i see now how different it is to read about something and think you understand, and how that differs from actions and situations in which you have to put all that into real life. a big challenge for me. </div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-80121970397300481532012-01-18T22:14:00.003+01:002012-01-18T22:33:09.995+01:00hide under your own shadow<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgugT1vXFn-AYHPHO4zkc5YicN_kLPW6SsIjjPYZwZKva6KcxzQS-qwrA3kZAmI_nmaxDi4LPMbRXKyBkRsEu3OO82wUAduLafRTQZdR8yn8hsQrzcpE4ortbzJ2INLRy-TdO42FFi3rVI/s1600/To_be_free_by_mjagiellicz.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgugT1vXFn-AYHPHO4zkc5YicN_kLPW6SsIjjPYZwZKva6KcxzQS-qwrA3kZAmI_nmaxDi4LPMbRXKyBkRsEu3OO82wUAduLafRTQZdR8yn8hsQrzcpE4ortbzJ2INLRy-TdO42FFi3rVI/s320/To_be_free_by_mjagiellicz.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5699087871824751730" border="0" /></a><br /><span style=" color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />i started to speak and act exactly the way i feel in that particular moment. i was trying to see if i can really be free of all the social paradigms and rules, to see how it feels to be FREE. and it is absolutely amazing! of course i still have a long way to go, and i am not completely free at all, but at least i am trying to verbally express my thoughts. </span><br style=" color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;"><span style=" color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >the second thing is, that i see people don't take me seriously. because of course they are not used to recieving the truth from another being. and they think everything is just words and jokes. but the funny part is that they're not. so you see, i am telling them the truth, and they think i am not. what a paradox. but when i draw the line, i think it is the best thing i can do to myself nevertheless. being truthfull is sometimes hard, but also liberating. and what is more precious than letting go of that heavy burden on our mental backs. you should definitely try it yourself!</span><br style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-75604789191016503292012-01-14T15:24:00.003+01:002012-01-14T15:43:36.518+01:00change is good.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3N6tjxUn2AjB9G58OJMaqFMZmD2p-Ojef71s8CpvnUKiH7xczfY1JQnicGe-i0XanPNdSk_A05Euq-Q4xBO3qZdXecV1-jgoE7XFLM_AlHe-N5C5m7DF4Fxem6vDaF15-gfyGMKjFU1c/s1600/dual.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3N6tjxUn2AjB9G58OJMaqFMZmD2p-Ojef71s8CpvnUKiH7xczfY1JQnicGe-i0XanPNdSk_A05Euq-Q4xBO3qZdXecV1-jgoE7XFLM_AlHe-N5C5m7DF4Fxem6vDaF15-gfyGMKjFU1c/s320/dual.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5697498217727398098" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><br style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);"><span style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">it is simply not enough, all that i do. still not enough to make me feel quiet. i'm restless. i'm like a shark that needs to move, or else it dies. i need new ideas, i need new fresh wind inside my lungs. every moment, time and time again....restless is my soul. i'm afraid of this power inside me. i'm afraid something might happen, that i really, really want. what would my life be, if i had it all. i feel the glimpse of that freedom and i'm scared for where it might take me. and it always comes to me every once in a while, when i spend a couple of days at home. usualy it is due to illness. and people say to me, get rest, you work too much, you have too many things in your life. reduce your life to less things and take care of your health. really?? reduce my life to work and my house? you're kidding me? please tell me, that you don't really mean that. with all this energy that starts to boost inside of me i should quietly ignore it and sit still in my office!? is that how it works? </span></span><br style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);font-family:arial;"><span style="color: rgb(153, 255, 153);font-family:arial;" >and my illness..is it really due to my overcrowded schedule? or is it because the schedule is set on wrong basis? maybe i just need to change something, not reduce, but change? change is good right? change is good. it gives me hope. so much hope and so much new energy. i want to change.</span><br style="font-family: arial;">Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-91787411583814124632012-01-12T22:50:00.004+01:002012-01-12T23:26:41.676+01:00free<a style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFgkvuMtoss6bqjZjyZcyWSZ15dBArIyhqrwGRfFOw7JrcAj9eUAOHhE1sYliv7ReV4YQxwTtTaxm7VqFDVlL0bEJ_2Yj0Pt6xzPWfiOJnR5gO6gnXTz2UryCT8C534dhykJH4SXPIPFw/s1600/Freedom_by_guagapunyaimel.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 350px; height: 350px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFgkvuMtoss6bqjZjyZcyWSZ15dBArIyhqrwGRfFOw7JrcAj9eUAOHhE1sYliv7ReV4YQxwTtTaxm7VqFDVlL0bEJ_2Yj0Pt6xzPWfiOJnR5gO6gnXTz2UryCT8C534dhykJH4SXPIPFw/s320/Freedom_by_guagapunyaimel.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5696875135181872418" border="0" /></a><br style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-family:arial;"><br style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-family:arial;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 102);font-family:arial;" >every day is a new begining, and yet every day is a result of yesterday's doings. what i do today, i shall harvest tommorow. thus i live this moment rejoicing tommorow's harvesting. i do not wait for tommorow, it will come without my attention, i do not think about yesterday, for today is its fruit. what i want is always here and now, because i wanted it yesterday, it is here today. and if i harvest my crops with joy and in abundance, thus will be also tommorow's harvest. full of joy, happiness and freedom. but if i pick my fruit with anger and resentment, that will be what i produce for my future. my body knows my limits and my soul knows my deepest desires. together they guide me safely through the stroms of everyday. have faith in yourself for you are your own god. trust your emotions, for they guide you better than your sight and your smell. eyes can deceive you, if beauty is rotten in its core, and smell deceives you if an apple smells nice but is poisonous. but your emotions..they never let you down for what your soul tells you, it is what you really want. it doesn't mean you will one day not suffer, because of that, but worse is to regret something you have missed or did not do, than to be richer for an experience from which you have learned a lesson. open yourself to your soul. open the doors you have shut long ago. reconcile with yourself and you shall find peace. because everything will come back in order.</span><br style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(255, 153, 102);">Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-3018316757607710252011-12-15T15:31:00.003+01:002011-12-15T15:57:21.177+01:00brave coward<span style="font-family:arial;">hello my sweet friend, blank page. hello my sweet sadness, my sweet loneliness. hello, hello. oh, i feel so nostalgic last few days. so fragile, so innocent. i am hiding behind big words and heavy songs, but no sound can reach the vast emptiness i feel inside. i guess it's time, it's time for something to happen. for something to move and to change. my soul is restless and i can feel it the moment i close my doors and rest in my bed. but there is no rest for me. dreams are constantly waking me up, waking my spirit and telling him long forgotten stories about the beginning of time. i am waking up in tears, because i am remembering. and when i am awake i am crying, because i can not tell anyone about it. i am alone.<br /><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr_kJ-CXeJsZE5XtrpPRLUmbEPEZqw6XeEiAS-t1GLXnacpkSC7Kk2GIogRaxs-ph9OYnxU4bIs6EffyGHIRLDiOoB80xz1iAUNBE1f90n6CfB35a42d_-Od6nk397EJOsISrZz6fs_k8/s1600/forgotten_fairytales_by_zemotion-dyrnfs.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 376px; height: 498px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr_kJ-CXeJsZE5XtrpPRLUmbEPEZqw6XeEiAS-t1GLXnacpkSC7Kk2GIogRaxs-ph9OYnxU4bIs6EffyGHIRLDiOoB80xz1iAUNBE1f90n6CfB35a42d_-Od6nk397EJOsISrZz6fs_k8/s320/forgotten_fairytales_by_zemotion-dyrnfs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686368991907488546" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;"><br />a lonely dancer without a stage to dance on. what does it all matter anyway. talking and dreaming and writing and thinking, if living has no purpose. if my life is like a farce because i am too afraid to take chances, because i am a coward, hiding behind the comfortable everyday. but truly inside i am crying for freedom. crying because i know it is so complicated to explain it to anyone that i do not even try. and i have gotten used to my loneliness, too comfortable i sit within it. and when someone comes along trying to pull me out of my safety zone, all my alarms go ON! danger, danger...change is about to happen..alert! and immediately i freeze and jump back, lock my doors and curiously watch through the closed window what is going on outside. no risk, no disappointment, no problem. and everything is under control. my control. way to go, you brave girl. i love you so much.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-27125849949332322542011-10-31T11:40:00.003+01:002011-10-31T13:59:09.741+01:00peak point<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi93Dsx_qZn0DXpcb5ZZiRrSQfnN_zd5z6g8Ppb3sNgP2u7qA6GPhpnRjuphMOJrDCMSP1lZ-fEQUSinYM13GrvvndVLC6g4UUtCJxliavVyk-xlhMKQ4y_rGl6j3GKEYnxYsqjNy1ldR4/s1600/rays_of_reflection_by_ssilence.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 317px; height: 419px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi93Dsx_qZn0DXpcb5ZZiRrSQfnN_zd5z6g8Ppb3sNgP2u7qA6GPhpnRjuphMOJrDCMSP1lZ-fEQUSinYM13GrvvndVLC6g4UUtCJxliavVyk-xlhMKQ4y_rGl6j3GKEYnxYsqjNy1ldR4/s320/rays_of_reflection_by_ssilence.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5669640007284766754" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:arial;"><br />it's been a while. changes are happening big time and other channels of expression opening for my creativity of writing which i have never enjoyed more than i do in this time. but yet, this is my personal blog and only here can i say thing or two about what's going on inside me. yet i am starting to question my existence. in a sense that my life is merely a farse with all the dramas that are happening at the moment. well now that i think about it, last 9 years there have always been some dramas, just not connected directly to me. i am trying so hard to see the big picture, because i simply don't believe that by doing good, you can attract bad. and i guess all this happening around me may be consequence of clearing my subconsciousness and letting go of things that have in the past prevent me from rising up and take my full potential. </span> <span style="font-family:arial;">After getting to know certain people in my life that i feel so connected now, i have come across a book that was waiting for me. i have read a lot of them, and all of them were meant to be sent on my way..but i feel as if this last one is like the cherry on top! i also know that symbols in our lives are many times a product that we produce when wanting to see certain signs. but in this case...the book is telling me about things i have in past time experienced and sometimes not knowing or understanding them. it is clearing my picture, slowly but persistently. this book is about everything. it is about who am i. where have i come from. what is my purpose. what are my assignments. why my life is as it is and what is going to happen. and no matter how many books similar to this i have read...this one is special merely because i believe it even if i don't understand a lot of what is written. because within this exsistence on Earth inside my physical body, there are many things i can not yet understand. and i know i will in the future. i am calm. and at the same time i get this moments of fear of what is happening around me. the one thing that confuses me is, how exactly am i to manage my life if everything is just a story that has really nothing to do with who i truly am beneath all this layers. i know i was supposed to go through all this in order to understand the rest of the humanity, but now that i'm starting to wake up from this crazy dream i have thought of my life, i can no longer combine both worlds, both levels...it confuses me big time actually. i didn't even realise until now, how confusing all this is for me. </span> <span style="font-family:arial;">i have always functioned without any particular guidance, but in this moment of my life is feel as if i truly am on a breakthrough point and i just don't know how to continue. for the first time i need guidance and i know that there is nothing bad in asking for one. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-70404698444233647002011-10-05T14:08:00.006+02:002011-10-05T14:34:38.238+02:00for-give yourself first<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_IFX9Y3d5kZ4IvMFWGXuwNmkNumLDkAootTLZDf5RJq2cgUvL-uVQxZeNlAolAYGUTkLPUtad7QjBK5e4-JeimZFpFs5IK_LwV2RoZNzBfYvPkMVfwd0ynL2reZyZU4pWTK6ZLdSCv3Q/s1600/___love_by_xdashkax.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 317px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_IFX9Y3d5kZ4IvMFWGXuwNmkNumLDkAootTLZDf5RJq2cgUvL-uVQxZeNlAolAYGUTkLPUtad7QjBK5e4-JeimZFpFs5IK_LwV2RoZNzBfYvPkMVfwd0ynL2reZyZU4pWTK6ZLdSCv3Q/s320/___love_by_xdashkax.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659983583425689170" border="0" /></a><br /><span style=" color: rgb(153, 255, 153);font-family:arial;" ><br />still stuck in what seems to be yet another interval of self pity and being lost in vast lands of obsessive thinking. and it came only on 5th day of my isolation from everyday rush. obviously the world has got me pretty much messed up in its tempo, so all the genuine and important things are deeply rooted inside and need at least 5 days to come to the surface. or is it just another random attack of my unresolved fears that i've been pressing down and avoiding to face them. i am alone in this world. it is a fact rather than anything else to me. and i know it is only myself that can overcome all the deep sh** that i still keep deep down under inside myself. i just feel that i need more time, more time...which noone is giving to me. the world around me just moves on, never asking if i am perhaps ready to step back on track and go with the flow. and it is clear to me what is happening to me and why, but it is just so damn hard to accept that all that i have been giving importance to, is not really that important in the bigger picture. is it possible that i am just so egocentric that i don't see outside the box of my own story around which my life evolves? is it possible that i've missed a lesson that i was giving to many others about letting go and living your moment accepting it as it is. maybe. but why on earth i could still cry over that story that happened nearly 2 years ago. why do i still feel defeated? why are all my struggles motivated by the lowest intention possible, that is to be better than someone else, to prove to myself that i can do it on my own, that i am a strong and confident self sufficient woman in no need of any deeper human relationship. did i really fail? and by that who did i fail? others or myself? who is my biggest enemy if not myself. and who is my greatest friend who's love is unconditional if not me. and from my alterego, am i not the one, that could learn the most?<br />never before was i so much looking forward in spending entire sunday meditating in silence. i am grateful for this sitting, i hope it brings me peace.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-66532931141886628712011-10-01T11:21:00.003+02:002011-10-01T11:57:43.348+02:00con FUSION<span style="font-family: arial;">i know that after every overwhelming and intense state of mind, there comes a time when you subconsciously react to all that over-potential. To that i would also add my fast living during the week, and we have to have something to stop us and makes us start breathing normally. Sometimes i am seriously tired of my 'consciousness' for it brings me rather a burden than freedom, but then again i guess that is then not the right type of consciousness or what. i am tired of constantly being aware of everything that is happening around me, about always thinking about it and analysing what am i suppose to think now, how am i to react and why. this mind is still so strong that it makes me tired. and i know that sometimes the best time to be really free is when you're simply too tired to do anything so you just automatically let go and 'voila' there you have it, your breakthrough moment. but so far it hasn't happen to me yet, well in smaller intervals, but no long term reaction. i am still to eager to GET IT, that i probably won't still get it for some time. but that's the fun part...get what??understand what?? sometimes i don't know anymore. i feel lost. sometimes i just rather not think about anything and hide in my cosy bed, doing nothing, not talking to anyone and not doing anything. i guess it's when i am kinda getting my balance back. why is it that when i write, it is all so clear to me, it is as if i understand the order of this universe. but then in my real life i sometimes feel like i've failed on my exam. yeah sure, the theory is easy, you read a couple of books, you watch some videos on you tube and resolve some issues in your life and then think you have it all, you're on top of the world, better than those people from your past you ran away from. but are you really topshit material after all that?? hell no! because you still think about it, still think about them, you still compete in a way to be better, to laugh louder, to look more pretty, to have more friends, to wear prettier clothes. all that stupid stuff that will never make you truly happier and free. what a waste of energy. i guess in a way i expect too much from myself. when all i really need is focus on my inner self and resolve the unresolved, meaning LET GO of the past. with all the things i've already 'processed' in my life, i still have one big thing to work on. and until that one shall not be resolved i will probably never forgive myself. it is a paradox actually, being hurt by someone and then not forgiving yourself, because you are simply not capable of forgiving them. </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">yes, i am a loud person, energetic in my everyday action...but how i wish to thrive that peacefulness that is so calming and secure. how i wish i would be able to gain it and keep it inside. i am a person of extremes and my biggest goal to achieve is to be able to constantly flow somewhere at least close to peaceful mind and have confidence that no matter what happens, i will always be strong enough to stay balanced. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-80359677596873533612011-09-09T21:24:00.002+02:002011-09-09T22:16:16.719+02:00over welhming feeling<span style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">to tell you honestly...i have this premonition. i don't know what it means and sometimes i am afraid of it. but the thing is that what i am trying to do in my life is to let life run through me and accept all the changes. practice what you preach i always say...and that is exactly my intention here. i am getting from theory to experiential level, we have to move in order to change anything. experience what life is really trying to tell you and believe that life always and forever only brings what is good for you. your life shall never do anything to harm you, if and when that happens we are doing it ourselves. we alone are preventing for things to happen to us. we alone are letting suffering come into our mind and body. it is essential to understand that if we want to move and change it. </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial; color: rgb(153, 255, 153);">my premonition is getting stronger now and at the same time i am starting to do more things that i love in my life. things that make me happy, full of energy and give me inner strength. people that don't see me often say to me on the street i look good, i look strong, i look brave....why? how can they tell if they don't see me everyday and don't know what's going on in my life!? well, i will tell you how...because my inner strength reflects on my outside. and isn't that on it's own evidence that is strong enough to convince you i am doing the right thing, i am walking on the right path and knocking on right doors? what else do i need to prove me right? i am always saying to myself that i am getting there, but am not there yet. and sometimes i feel as if i don't let myself get to the end. i don't allow myself manifest the ultimate wishes, goals, desires...manifest my whole. why? because i am thinking more about filling the gaps of what 'seems' to be right for me and leaving the other small parts open and unfulfilled but yet those 'small' parts of me are the true reflection of my soul. it all clears out while putting it into words here on the blog. so simple...listen to your soul, listen to your soul is what they say...but in this world of the ruling Mind with big M, it is dangerous to let your soul out for it can be ripped apart by all those hungry and needy carnivores that beg for even a slight piece of peace, calmness happiness, creativity, passion that they can not get from themselves. luckily i was raised to grow up into this very naive and gentle being that hides underneath a tough looking and strong woman. a perfect combination to fight the enemy, but fight with love, compassion and positivity. totally unexpected tools of attack. my teachers are the most innocent and enlightened ordinary beings around me. my teachers are everywhere, because i can see them in everything. one who is awaken and searches for his teachers, they can be found. the one who is blind for it, he shall not see them even if they are standing in front of him waving their hands. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-33952984271576825122011-08-28T12:37:00.004+02:002011-09-02T09:02:28.472+02:00vipassana<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);font-family:arial;" >it is Sunday. the hot days are seemingly over or at least for today so i can again focus on things. seems like as if the heat and the power of the planet sun is kind of distracting us from being focused. today is the first day i feel calm and peaceful inside myself again as if waking from a chaotic dream of past few days. i love quiet moments in my home, with distant sounds of other families and friends doing their everyday things, with pleasant tingling sound of my dreamcatcher above my bed and my keyboard when i press letters of future words that are to be published on my blog. but it's quiet, so quiet. so fulfilling. </span>
<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);font-family:arial;" >since i came from vipassana i have been sort of avoiding big crowds of people. i do not want to sound as if i this experience totally changed my life and that now i am enlightened or in any way better than someone who does not have this kind of experience, but the truth is... it changes you. even though i am not a perfect vipassana student now that i have come home and i do not practice my meditation everyday, i am different. and of course it is logical, if i would not change, what is the point of going to this kind of places. it is a beautiful thing. it is a comforting thing. knowing that there is a possibility that one can truly end the suffering, and all it takes is being with oneself and understand what is causing it. two hours of meditation per day, is that a high price to pay to be happy? is it? it is not! surely one must have self discipline to preserve this habit and to practice it everyday. but all this is nothing in comparison for what you get and how you feel afterwards. i get so overwhelmed talking and thinking about it. and i know all this shall pass, as everything else does. and that is the thing that we are to understand and accept. all this shall pass, nothing in this world remains and nothing is important. and thy truth is only your perception, if one is able to take the lenses off their eyes and just see thing as they are, it is the most precious gift we can give to ourselves. so simple. and yet so hard. are we able to get out of this box and at least have a peak over the edge? just for a moment, are we capable of percieving the world around us in a totally different manner? and after giving it a try and if realizing that it is the ultimate truth, can we let go of our previous beliefs and by that maybe needing to change our lives? it takes a strong will and commitment, but the reward is hundred times more precious. and after our decision, it is only what is natural and what we should have done long before, but were unable due to our scenario that was given to us by our ancestors, society. and one asks who am i? am i an individual? am i a part of a group? we are all individuals belonging to a greater oneness. when peace is seeded inside our hearts, the question vanishes. my individuum that was before my ego dies and what is left is my consciousness that is a part of oneness. i don't feel any need to identify myself with my body, things, situations, people...there is no fear that i will vanish and there will be no trace of me when my body dies. for there is only love. and love and compassion are energy and energy does not vanish. energy just transforms. </span>
<br />
<br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);font-family:arial;" >i wish may every person find this feeling inside him. in whatever way. </span>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-7502167365529234042011-07-25T22:52:00.005+02:002011-07-25T23:22:19.974+02:00seasonal clearance<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIM9sdqnBhX4h19neBy2g6exVGTFEbv6UhODeH9oGuB6Y2rPI5zCPZzovAwhicciIU_IG3i_rTUeG3AAyHIuzoMXGmkvk3JLdurgKBmMfHI2TgGZVueUelPYn9Xh8B0lnOw8rwMn1-9E/s1600/Danger__No_Clearance_by_Yttdisaster.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvIM9sdqnBhX4h19neBy2g6exVGTFEbv6UhODeH9oGuB6Y2rPI5zCPZzovAwhicciIU_IG3i_rTUeG3AAyHIuzoMXGmkvk3JLdurgKBmMfHI2TgGZVueUelPYn9Xh8B0lnOw8rwMn1-9E/s320/Danger__No_Clearance_by_Yttdisaster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633403313510001138" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255); font-family:arial;" >why is it so hard to accept things as they are. it is the one most simple thing in the world, and yet we can not manage to overcome our urge to change, evaluate, comment almost everything that happens in our lives.<br /><br />many times i have come to this point, where i almost clearly understood with my heart what it means to accept the moment as it is and embrace it, but yet i did not manage to hold that feeling inside me for longer time. it always comes as a glimpse and quickly passes away. but it gives me hope. hope to continue doing what i do and searching the way i do, because i know that it is the exactly what i wish to achieve. i am a hunter. and my prey is that enormous overwhelming freedom that comes every now and then. i know i have my mistakes and i know i probably could do it some other way which would be easier and quicker..but then again, here i am again resisting the moment as it is, by evaluating my deeds as bad and not effective. one simple thing that i have come to a knowledge is that every time and i mean every time, when something happens that makes me feel overwhelmed or sad or nervous...simply out of balance..i take a deep breath and it helps. that is the first step. it is so funny how some things that i have read in the books or heard somewhere, are starting to come to practice in my daily OM as i might call it. after some time i realize that i actually do things subconsciously that are helping me reach my goal..and that is to become more in tune with myself. and i try to be alert and awake for every possible 'hint' that i can get that could help me achieve it. people always amaze me, but also amuse me. they are sometimes like my exercise tools for me to grow. what they do, affects me and i kind of just react to their actions and understand it as my exercise. it has nothing to do with them actually. it is as if i would be playing this game alone and all the people around me are my playground toys. this may sound very non personal but there is nothing bad in this. i simply try to erase the story behind it. and that story is often making us blind. and that story is too often addicting us from seeing clearly. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255); font-family:arial;" >hopefully the journey that i am taking now in two days will help me clear my way so that i can see clearly and hear what silence is telling me. ten days in silence, surely i will hear something.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-43144278670203907262011-07-05T22:19:00.005+02:002011-07-05T22:30:21.918+02:00stop, take a breath<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 102);" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEzN0OeKy2XiDG6QvKQ4K1oky6ZjURGUkPFF15ctYWFIQUubbWHP-Mntd-a652w7X1ojvbh75flSTcp36-5jYDJ18dvtbvV6XF9C-KgBALlZflZuUohMXCxCup4FZWpNea7gMlSy2HjzY/s1600/just_breathe_by_takemetoanotherplace-d323aiq.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEzN0OeKy2XiDG6QvKQ4K1oky6ZjURGUkPFF15ctYWFIQUubbWHP-Mntd-a652w7X1ojvbh75flSTcp36-5jYDJ18dvtbvV6XF9C-KgBALlZflZuUohMXCxCup4FZWpNea7gMlSy2HjzY/s320/just_breathe_by_takemetoanotherplace-d323aiq.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5625968159903270530" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 102);font-family:arial;" >there must be something seriously wrong with this world..or better said, with the society. because the way i see it, we are gasping for air..we are probably the only specie that is evolving towards its extinction. everything is turned upside down. aren't we supposed to go the other way. i mean it is not all so dark and grey, of course there is evolution going on, but at the same time we constantly need dangerous cliffs, over which we constantly are falling. we need radical situations to wake us up and make us go the other, safer way. why are there mostly smaller groups of people around that are starting doing something, before it is too late to save ourselves. why is it that the majority is always one step behind the minority?? is it so hard to look over the crowd, outside the box and realize that there is something more than only gasping..that we were actually made to breathe with full lungs, but in long period of time we simply forgot or what? we seriously need to learn how to breathe again. and i mean this metaphorically and metaphysically. stop. hello.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-74471888461980353012011-06-28T21:23:00.005+02:002011-06-28T22:11:47.786+02:00nice talking to myself<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNyc6iaA40m2BUpnppHRP5ntPtzRc-uEwKfMjLhgRs-baarz24LFigErbTgGckW5lL3iHyoYeIOmRIfrTRz4FiQa_jy3H56u1TrOUUrevhx_w1wf1WN0UGUwU9znCcdB5tzGJ4FN5vSlw/s1600/sun_mirror_by_xthumbtakx-d3dueh7.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 282px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNyc6iaA40m2BUpnppHRP5ntPtzRc-uEwKfMjLhgRs-baarz24LFigErbTgGckW5lL3iHyoYeIOmRIfrTRz4FiQa_jy3H56u1TrOUUrevhx_w1wf1WN0UGUwU9znCcdB5tzGJ4FN5vSlw/s320/sun_mirror_by_xthumbtakx-d3dueh7.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623365363061662722" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >lately my life is one test after another..i know we should take responsibility for our actions and understand that things do not happen without us having call them into our lives..but it is amazing how open your mind has to be in order to have everything under control. and i do not mean control as if in controlling and managing everything that goes on around you, but to be able to understand it at the very first moment when situation emerges. to understand why certain things are happening and before you jump in it, to stop and have a moment of silence and just breathe, look around you and then act. if any action is needed at all. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >and when the moment comes, when one does not feel a need to say anything, because that situation already passed, and next NOW is here, and next NOW, and next....that is when you know what all those other people are telling you.<br /><br />and this is what i am learning and accepting right now. it does not mean that i will never be upset or sad or disappointed. but it definitely means i will be disappointed less time and things and people will not upset or hurt me so many times. i really, really understand that now. i mean i still fight with my thoughts in my head. but i know what are they trying to push me into. so many times i want to say something, when i think someone is wrong or my opinion is completely different from other person..but less and less i actually say it. because if you think about it, it does not have any meaning at all, because i can already predict how the conversation will continue and i know i do not like the direction it is probably going to go. so i leave it there. i smile and look away.<br />because there is simply no need in having to share words if their meaning is totally misused. words are over ratted i have read somewhere. and i could not agree more. even when i write a blog i sometimes simply erase text, after all i am writing it for myself on the first place. and if by writing i clear stuff in my head that i had to resolve for my personal sake, it is not necessary to leave them written on screen. just like talking.<br /><br />the deepest truths are found inside ourselves, and nobody can go there with you. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-86420815417649781432011-06-26T23:05:00.004+02:002011-06-27T08:03:11.359+02:00miss tearious<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt0ywT2_LkC7eJOypwOq7oHKMRp-kkY3dloMHiuz4PMrLOvHP1FGCEzDplj8oOh_aV_bLjmMf4J7FGMNE-vHuzTdTlDj2h5H3pzokruQHPeiURrJzamXXXBCYo-8NcoZ4ON6Xzrkplpd0/s1600/Mystery_by_randis.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 183px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt0ywT2_LkC7eJOypwOq7oHKMRp-kkY3dloMHiuz4PMrLOvHP1FGCEzDplj8oOh_aV_bLjmMf4J7FGMNE-vHuzTdTlDj2h5H3pzokruQHPeiURrJzamXXXBCYo-8NcoZ4ON6Xzrkplpd0/s320/Mystery_by_randis.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5622642020028916562" border="0" /></a><br /><span style=" color: rgb(51, 204, 0);font-family:arial;" >after a lot of noise there is always time for silence. i so honor these moments that i have only for myself. being able to just breathe silently and gently flow through the world, having no goal to reach or assignment to do. just walking with mere peace inside. and how quickly i forget how precious those moments are and how fulfilling. i am a person of sound and laughter, but i need silence and i need it badly. it is of course the simple law of balance. as this old capoeira song goes 'eu tenho balanço, eu sou mandingueiro' ...it is of course talking about completely different balance, but i am a mandinguiera of life and i know that balance is one of the crucial things for me to function normally. </span><br /><span style=" color: rgb(51, 204, 0);font-family:arial;" >today i was at this bossa nova concert and it was as if someone would caress me with sound. and the beat was perfect, not to fast not to slow and the volume of the band was perfect..again my soul was starting to get that saudade feeling that i always get when i hear something that has to do with brasil. i know my heart is somewhere there. i just have to go and find it. and afterwards i meet this brasilian mestre and the words just came to me as if the language was mine. this deep connection is one of great mysteries in my life. and it's great to have some mystery. the unexplainable things make your mind active and fresh. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-19995587355652987682011-06-22T22:43:00.004+02:002011-06-22T23:08:06.358+02:00full of thankness<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRdHCgDJOkLhUcb3d5Pyhuef0_N6NoAEwaJRwesgmMK7pexFhOiLFYgbxPg2csmoKW-O6O8MjBlikrjRepBfk6PWdpht5QcH3o24UeCm4uBNhqcjTg7Kte3KBXryKgbOFT73uzP7MS5-U/s1600/my___thank_you___daisy_for_you_by_AmiraMora.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRdHCgDJOkLhUcb3d5Pyhuef0_N6NoAEwaJRwesgmMK7pexFhOiLFYgbxPg2csmoKW-O6O8MjBlikrjRepBfk6PWdpht5QcH3o24UeCm4uBNhqcjTg7Kte3KBXryKgbOFT73uzP7MS5-U/s320/my___thank_you___daisy_for_you_by_AmiraMora.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5621153022892534194" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">i wanted to talk about something completely else as it is going to turn out now. being in this search quest for the past year i have met some amazing and interesting people. and as it so happens i have met two more today. i know it was not an accident or coincidence of any kind, but more of a normal flow that i now give out to the world. i meet people that i want and they meet me. i was inspired and now i just had a moment of lost and found...and i am talking about my long forgotten poetic writing gift. i mean i am writing a blog all this time and i had kept a diary before that..but i have stopped writing poems and poetic texts as i had used to. and by today's meeting i got inspired. something woke up inside me again. my creativity was obviously sleeping for quite </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);"> some </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">time now. but i feel it has to come out. it is emerging and calling me to come and dig it out of my consciousness. i am thankful for this day. i am thankful for this people. and i am thankful that i am able to sense all this and understand it for only with this subtle senses i am able to evolve what was brought back to me. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-47529233043752560192011-06-08T22:37:00.002+02:002011-06-08T23:07:09.286+02:00limitless...with less limits<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQfoUB-1E4_RCLkok9mn1pjbyZ5WRFFsy65grYFT1AQOH0Ed1KxZ0EFKDSuY9mRFrVShWAzh4dysAXBJ2h9S143kjJgTcEbKvz7Ygx-iiJqMr6o2h_1EhJbGwTdBbY4UD2fAwI1ghaOY/s1600/piki.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxQfoUB-1E4_RCLkok9mn1pjbyZ5WRFFsy65grYFT1AQOH0Ed1KxZ0EFKDSuY9mRFrVShWAzh4dysAXBJ2h9S143kjJgTcEbKvz7Ygx-iiJqMr6o2h_1EhJbGwTdBbY4UD2fAwI1ghaOY/s320/piki.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5615958354674200402" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:100%;" >limitless possibilities...what an unimaginable phrase. yet they've made a movie about it. it did make me think a lot about what a man is capable of. but i mean truly capable, without any chemical or natural substances. i believe in genius human consciousness..in all its glory and size! i really do. but i also believe that drugs can help you open a door or two for a quick look in that world, that is for a moment or maximum a couple of hours. i myself am not a big fan of drugs or even a user for that matter. i guess i just like to keep things under control and maybe in a way make it the hard way...also the safer one i think. but this movie was good in all aspects...showing the positive side of human capabilities that we actually all poses, we're just not aware of them...and the negative side of artificial stimulants..meaning what is not of human body and mind, shall never prevail because eventually the body will eject the intruder. even at the end of the movie one does not know, whether the man was telling the truth when he said he's clean and he just started to use his mind the way he did while on drugs, or was he still taking the magic pills that made his dreams come true.<br />the 'mistake' in the movie was only one thing...as the law of balance works...there can be no un-balanced energy that will last for long. that is exactly why quick business of any kind is also a quick failure. simply because there was too much of a potential on one side.<br />i would like to believe..as a matter of fact I DO believe that we are capable of doing this without any drugs and i can confirm that what you need is conscious awareness and a will that you want to change. one of important things that we forget is that wishing is not enough...pro-activity is a very important part of reaching a goal. and once you become proactive results start to show and opportunities to reach your goal appear. you may think it is merely a coincidence or you may call it luck..but the truth is that with your pro-activity you've made your way. and you never know where or how it might appear.<br /><br />it was certainly a very inspiring movie..it actually made me FEEL i can do anything. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-68210686888335202762011-04-24T22:56:00.002+02:002011-04-24T23:29:06.670+02:00he who seeks, shall not arrive<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBYaPb1H21isyV2899KX7m-PFVWifAfSqf3Klq9v1G90RPc9byXBEN9hwDNIiK8NG7ifT2mk1zFaOfNeO4GqGBrgz9Ss6OtsZD6ZwYAQENXm53a31D2b8HweNsZ0s7GO51bkM5Z89HhU/s1600/tree.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBYaPb1H21isyV2899KX7m-PFVWifAfSqf3Klq9v1G90RPc9byXBEN9hwDNIiK8NG7ifT2mk1zFaOfNeO4GqGBrgz9Ss6OtsZD6ZwYAQENXm53a31D2b8HweNsZ0s7GO51bkM5Z89HhU/s320/tree.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5599265009072174754" border="0" /></a><br /><span style=" color: rgb(204, 204, 255);font-family:arial;" >recently i am struggling with a doubt. i started to doubt in everything i know. but not in a way, that i am not smart enough or intelligent enough, but doubt in a way, that all that comes to me from outside is questionable in its value. everything is without value if it can not come from the inside out, from me, from my essence. in a way my past year was extroverted for i was so thirsty for knowledge and wisdom and spirituality..but all that is without any value if after reading a book, watching a movie or a documentary you are still the observer and a thirsty seeker that seeks onward. so many words have passed my head, and so little of them sticked. but at this point i feel that all this extroverted search has to turn inward and stop seeking, but arrive. As Eckart Tolle said in his book The stilness speaks "the nature of seeker is in its future goal" meanning that he who seeks, shall not find, for the answer is always in the Now, never in the future. and i know that i was always the one who seeks and the one who hopes for better future, for something to happen and always in the future. i tend not to get angry at myself as i've done so many times in my life, when i had a feeling that i've dissapointed myself. now i just try to smile and accept my so called 'mistakes'. there is always the Now where i can start over and over until i really understand that all that matters is already here.<br /></span> <span style=" color: rgb(204, 204, 255);font-family:arial;" >i have been so much involved in my story. the big glorious story of love, dissapointment, betrayal, hate, truth and justice. i mean seriously, could i have been so blind that i have not foreseen that what i am doing is exactly what i shouldn't do in order to transcend old habits and feelings.<br />my story is my study case. a perfect example of my spiritual growth. and as i was already discussing many times, the only and best way to learn something for real is to experience it yourself. that means you have to face your innerself, without any external noise.</span> <span style=" color: rgb(204, 204, 255);font-family:arial;" >and being said at the beggining that i doubt everything nowdays, i think there will be no better test for me as to stop in stillness and start listening to silence. without books, without movies, without conversations. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-9214528980472267312011-03-12T17:51:00.004+01:002011-03-12T18:38:42.225+01:00less is more. less is freedom.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQMG54KeZg5Dug0EPlXvED0MTe0SCLZ6q4yskQ7tGDpI0MmEnCffLccEivyL4MsbaO1BAf-Z7aP49IXbuljWzG4gm4p7u_Db7nkVcj-VvCMuttxCpwsK9CfKiFaweZz50dC7HLV1-RfY/s1600/zen_garden_by_blackmoonrose13.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRQMG54KeZg5Dug0EPlXvED0MTe0SCLZ6q4yskQ7tGDpI0MmEnCffLccEivyL4MsbaO1BAf-Z7aP49IXbuljWzG4gm4p7u_Db7nkVcj-VvCMuttxCpwsK9CfKiFaweZz50dC7HLV1-RfY/s320/zen_garden_by_blackmoonrose13.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5583249218987493442" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">being gone through many situations where my emotional intelligence was put on test, I am in a period of my life where things and people are getting less and less of my attention and my energy. I believe it is not easy to accept the fact that being alone practically whole your life is simply one of life truths and not a drama that we should in any way analyze or discuss. i don't mean people should be alone alone...but i definetly stand behind the fact one should be able to bare his life without constant input from other beings, be it human or animal.</span> <span style="font-family:arial;">i get really annoyed if someone expects from me my constant attention to his actions or words. i know people simply need to be noticed because otherwise they feel as if they're life has no meaning or something, but for heavens sake don't they realize with that they only show how poor they are in their souls. i believe when one is self sufficient in emotional sense inputs of any kind are unnecessary. don't get me wrong, i am certainly not saying that we should all just ignore one another, but that if i don't react or give attention to something, it doesn't mean i'm an evil or egocentric person or that i don't like or love that person. it doesn't! i don't know why is that so hard to understand. actually i know...because people tend to live they're lives based on opinions and expectations of others, not their own. sadly then people who try to oppose that and live according to they're own beliefs and ideas, no matter the public norms and expectation, are seen as social outcasts or egocentric, heartless and cold. we were thought that relationships are based on emotional bondage, meaning if one is not able to live without another, it must be true love and friendship. and that loyalty is only shown by giving all your time, attention and energy. i strongly believe those are tragic misconceptions of what a true relationship is and how emotionally mature people interact. no matter friendship or love relationship, there is no greater gift one can give to another, than freedom. and the greatest gift to yourself. by being able to see that all you feel inside yourself is based on your expectations towards others and no one is ever guilty for you feeling bad if someone acts in a way that is not in your scenario. </span> <span style="font-family:arial;">i have been dissapointed, hurt, sad in my life many times. but lately i get less and less of those emotions or when i do, i spend less time analyzing them. there is not much point in doing that. the best thing to do is to accept what life brings and make the best of it. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2267146891122290217.post-25596178895560534472011-02-13T20:47:00.004+01:002011-02-13T21:15:58.224+01:00war of the worlds<a style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghA14vCu_KqM8Pn0iTQEyiWT0Zg_PEG89MDBdZE27Lqlgnq0BBkZl9R2SGiL1gBV8S2TurB-uVjs9BB9H7FKm4VhR_pv3OGgzbSwy-o1G5_uoanQjrC93gMAVoj0ABM9umBM-z44ZgddA/s1600/your_a_long_way_from_home_by_mikeshawphotography-d39dk8w.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghA14vCu_KqM8Pn0iTQEyiWT0Zg_PEG89MDBdZE27Lqlgnq0BBkZl9R2SGiL1gBV8S2TurB-uVjs9BB9H7FKm4VhR_pv3OGgzbSwy-o1G5_uoanQjrC93gMAVoj0ABM9umBM-z44ZgddA/s320/your_a_long_way_from_home_by_mikeshawphotography-d39dk8w.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5573269727864494658" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />we constantly put ourselves to tests, unknowingly or knowingly. with knowledge that we gain through our personal development, we tend to attract certain situations through which we practice what we preach so to say. and i find this an amazing procedure, amazing journey of testing and challenging our ego. it's often not a nice game we play, it gets dirty and it tends to hurt. but i say it is amazing because if you see after you pass the critical time, the actual progress you have made throughout your journey...you rejoy, for you are growing and as there is an old saying ''You live, you learn.''</span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >so it is never over. neverending game.<br /><br />i was put in many situations where i could practice my commitment to the Truth. i know, i know..Truth is overrated..but then again, EVERYTHING'S overrated! because we over rate. and if we don't...well, then it looses the importance and it doesn't matter anyway, so why bother with it. so, now i got a lesson in truth. i understand what i have to do, in order to have clear mind and peacefull soul...but what makes me sad is, that people around me like too often point fingers, because they are either hurt or unhappy or unsure. i decided i'm over with that. pointing fingers is for the weak. because it is so much easier, than to be quiet and process what the experience brought to you.<br /><br />i was thinking what means being humble, where is the line when one should bend its head and not be potentiously proud, and where one should simply stand behind its own words and not let anything or anyone pass them. it is hard to be humble. but it is so much more rewarding what you get when you don't get your ego fight with another persons ego.<br />i have seen this game so many times in the last few weeks that i got simply fed up with this battle and i can not take it anymore. i find it repulsive and not worthy of my time, therefore i step away rather than enter the game.</span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >and one important thing i have come up with is that i am many times too judgemental towards myself. too hard on everything i do. as if i am not supossed to make a single mistake, because poeple might find that mistake and show it in front of my face and leave me speachless. but i know i am not in any way perfect and yet i am the most perfect as i can be, because there is no better me, than me. it is who i am, and through time i will change and step forward and nothing will be as it is here and now, because it can not be. and what is here and now, won't even matter then. because when i screw up something now, i will know better next time so nothing can be the same as it is. from every moment we are perfect. and things are as they are. </span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" ><br /><br />and last, but certainly not least...i understand one important thing at this moment. i need to be alone now. i need to explore, i need to rejoyce this miracle that was given to me and it's called life. i need to grow and seek, and discover and cry and laugh and be silent and sing. and i need my lungs and my head to be clear for all that, because i believe it is how i can get the most of it all. the potential that is still captured in me, needs to be opened by myself.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-family:arial;" >thank you.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0