nobody told me that making diploma was life threatening =) so there i was yesterday on a field trip to make the final research for my diploma, and since Ljubljansko barje is a swamp and since the underground water level was high there was water everywhere and i really had to watch my step. so i was jumping over this melioracijski jarek and my leg slipped when it touched the slippery ground. my balance let me down, and my knee had this really unpleasant experience. so now i'm in my bed, unable to move properly around cause it really fuckin' hurts if i do the wrong move. but it all wouldn't be so tragic if the doctor wouldn't told me that it's gona hurt for about 6 weeks and i really shouldn't do capoeira!!!!! WHAAAAT, ARE YOU NUTS!!!! and just as i was organising myself a new capoeira course! and in two weeks there's also our anual workshop...! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!! and that's for now..i have nothing more to say! my life is twisting and turning in wierd ways....
i love mornings, i just wish they would start little later. i usually don't believe all that beauty cosmetics crap they're advertising, but there's one thing i came to a conclusion. skin actually needs beauty sleep! that's why i sleep as long as possible, cause i love my body and i want it to be healthy and beautiful. hehehehe ;)but that's not what i wanted to write about today. today's theme is about love. cause that's all there is to it..love is the ultimate feeling. love is vibrating at the highest level. for some time now, i'm into this theory that everything we feel is vibrating at a certain level and the highest and strongest vibe is when you feel love. i'm not really a religious type of person, but i do find these kind of scientific mysticism very appealing and easy to adopt with my level of knowledge. it is just the right amount of scientific proof mixed with just the right amount of spiritualism that you can't call it a religion and not even science, since some of the researches are not widely known or accepted. the only thing that bothers me here, that i find it hard to talk about this with my friends. on one side it's because it's a wide subject to explain it to someone that doesn't know anything about it and on the other side, cause many people are not prepared or open to these kind of wiev over the world. well, on the other side maybe this is something one must alone come to a discovery of it. as i did. and i didn't feel as if someone is convincing me into anything. cause i was the one researching and being curious about it. 
it all started with my interest into the secret society of freemasons. then a friend opened my horizon with some videos. then things just started to come by themselves. and everything was conecting with one another in one way or another. but one thing is certain...our mind is absolutely amazing and much more capable of what we can imagine, so there are unlimited possibilities that i still have to discover. an the other thing is that we are limited by the society and many times we can not or won't develop our potential for various reasons: fear, limited mind, social acceptance, lack of knowledge about the subject...so that's why i think it's very important to at least TRY to discover who we are, what is going on inside us, outside of our world, why do we act as we do, can we change, why are we different from one another, what is the purpose on this earth....all this are not just philosophycal questions, but our self-development which enables us to grow as a individum but yet as a part of something bigger, some kind of united conciousness...if anyone that read this blog wishes to know more try to start with movies such as: what the bleep do we know, the secret, dr. quantum video, powerful speech...from there your path will guide you on by itself. believe me it doesn't end there. many will say..oooh those are only some comercial blaberings....yes, if you stop there and don't do anything about it!! if you really wish to find your mind potential which is by the way huge believe me, you have to train your mind somehow. and people around the world are doing this in many ways, some say global conciousness is rising..what does that mean... for those who know or have heard about so called 100th monkey theory it may be clear, but to those who don't let me quickly explain the thing. the scientist were doing a research on a group of monkeys in the wilderness. they threw them sweet potatoes, but they were thrown into the sand so they were all dirty. The monkey liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant. so there was this one monkey that discovered that she can wash the potato in a nearby stream and make it more pleasable to eat. she then thought the other monkeys to do this too. but with time also monkeys on other islands and new born monkeys knew how to do that without anyone teaching them. how is this possible? because the united conciousness was developed on a higher level. the 100th monkey theory
and human conciousness is working in the same way. just think about children of our time. if you compare their knowledge with your at the same age..it increased! i'm only 26 and i can say that for myself. i see the progress in human mind. it's amazing!
well, i guess today's post turned out to be little longer, but i just felt i have to write this things down. maybe someone will find something worth exploring or thinking about.
miss kittin rulz! i tell you, her songs are one of the most ironic, provocative and cinic. i admit i have troubles with her music, but when i'm in the mood, i think she's the queen. how about this: show me your tits, and let's make a hit. i'll beat that bitch with a hit, i'll beat that bitch with a hit....you just gotta love the song! the tittle is requiem for a hit if anyone is interested.
anyways, lots of things going through my mind lately and there are moments when i'm actually worried what is happening to me. i'll explain what i mean. i have this wierd moments of total let's call it depression, when i can't do anything but lay on my bed and stare into a point on the ceiling. why is it happening...some say, you get post-diploma depression...but i think i have pre-diploma depression. if it's even possible, but considering my mental state that's exactly what's happening. cause no matter what i wanna do, i always bump into this wall where it says, STOP, finish diploma first! and i'm always worried and preocupied about something! and Tanja is probably not even aware that many, many times she opens my eyes to another point of view. i guess that's what friends are for. i know on the end i'll be okay, it's just that time in between that's killing me. waitting for something to happen. i swear, sometimes i feel like living in twilight zone or even better...waitting for Godot! i now understand what Beckett wanted to say =) hahaha!and then there's of course capoeira. how could anyone thnk this post will be totally without nything said about my capoeira. two things happened at the same time and they're both big time news. first is the bad one and it made me really disapointed and angry, and it came to this that i erased a so called 'friend' from my life. i've never done this in my life i think. intentionally i mean.and the other great news is that i earned my first pocket money so to speak with my capoeira lessons! and it's not just about te money i recieved, but more of a simbolic way of looking at this. capoeira is finally giving me something i could only dream of. now i can say that i belong to that tinny minority of people that ake money with something they love and enjoy in it! and that's one of the most valuable things in life. i know i could not survive from this moneay, far from that...but just the feeling...oh, it's great!but by the end of the day...i guess i'm okay and as long as i'm able to breathe, walk, talk, sing and play berimbau...it's all worth dealing with. therefor i believe all this shitty juju will once be substituted with rainbow juju!so hail to the ranbow juju...or whatever!
lately i'm having troubles wth my capoeira trainnings cause my back is killing me. it happened again one friday, when i was practicing martelo rolando. not a very healthy movement if you suffer from back pain. and so i'm standing aside these last couple of weeks, just observing the trainnings and make myself useful as much as possible. and it's killing me not to be able to do all the great things others are learning, while i toque atabaque or pandeiro or berimbau. but as always, i know all this is happening, cause of some reason. and i'm patient. i'm not that unpatient young capoerista as i used to be. i'm changing and growing. and it's okay. cause i know, when i'll be okay, i'll just train as twice as hard as the others and ill catch up ith them. but it's not even about catching up with the rest of the group, cause afterall i do capoeira for myself on a first place, and then it's for the group.i've read mestre's Acordeon book. it was the right time and place and i'm happy i didn't read it before, as i think every thing has it's own time. and as for these things, i think a capoerista has first to experience it's own capoeira inside his own group and only then after couple of years he is prepared to absorb the experiences and knowledge from outside world. it's the same as we grow up. on the beggining of our lives our world is our family and then we slowly start to discover the outside world, when we are prepared to.
so, i think i'm at this stage in my capoeira life, when i've become to the end of my puberty and i'm prepared to step and deal with my capoeira on a higher level.
in this dinamic and fast way of life i often forget how good it feels to walk in the woods, listen to birds, the sound of the leafs in fall, feel the last sun rays on your face...and what a calming effect it has all this on your mind. and if you add a loving person next to your side..it's a winners combination. it may seem little senior-like, but i've been told a million times that we should learn from older people's experiences. and here i completely understand why, cause it feels good.
sure, i'm not saying i don't like my city life, but every time i visit country side or just travel through a beautiful green landscape...it reminds me, how we used to walk around mountains and woods with my dad and how i used to hate all those family trips. and look at me now, writting hymns to all that what i thought back in those days were just stupid ideas of my father. i'm not afraid to admit my wrong if i find it i was wrong, it's just that sometimes i'm so stuborn that i simply have to come to certain conclusions myself.
so, i think it's time to take some time off an go, as they say in the rasta world,..back to the roots!
being in love is magic...nothing beats the feeling! but falling in love once per week, for the same person..that's impossible to describe...feels like, feels like..khm, dunno... devine magic!! and so i pass the days in total happiness, sometimes forgetting the world around me. i know it might not be healthy staying at home all day and all i think about is how i'm gonna see his beautiful face when he visits...but this is how it is now and i wouldn't change it for the world. on sunday i cried next to him, i still don't know why, was it because i was so happy to be next to him or because i was so sad knowing i'd have to leave soon. and every time he is next to me just smilling or looking at me i feel it, i feel all the love on this planet surrounding us both together.
i've had only a couple of really close friends in my life. and i know that a friend is really my friend when i can't sleep if there's something wrong with our relationship. if we argue or we don't talk...cause then i know that i really care for that person and it makes me sad deep in my heart if i see the person but can't talk to her. i know it takes two people to argue and i'm not saying that half of the guilt isn't mine....but if true friends are really true, i believe there's always a way in making it right again. it may be hard if these two persons are so different as me and tanja are, but i just can't stand the feeling when we argue, it hurts me really bad and i'm sad.
