sprinkles in the stomach

back from Budapest.
it was a nice trip, better than i expected, considering the fact that i went there with people i hardly knew, except Anja and Goran. i realised i'm a really adaptive person, which i can't say for some that were there with me. but when you're staying in the same apartement with 5 other people, taking tourist walks around the city, drinking, partying and sleeping 24/7 for 5 days well, you HAVE to sometimes go over yourself.
anyways, i had a great time indeed..also the Sensation white was really nice..and it would be perfect if Anja and Goran ouldn't get into a fight and Anja wouldn't be missing or couple of hours. but then again..everybody is responsible for their own happines and good time. and i surelyhad a good time. it was maybe the fact that i had a birthday and i could get a kiss from every cute guy that passed us by, and it could have been the fact that i discovered that 30 year old hungarian men are really something worth to experience..hehe! if you know what i mean.
but those 5 days passed so quickly.
i'm sure it wouldn't have been half so good if anja wouldn't meet some portuguese capoeristas with whom i played some capoeira in the city square in the middle o the night. next day they invited me to open roda they had in the park. it was sooo exciting. i actually went inside and played. i was scared, excited, proud of myself and as happy as a child. capoeira gives me all that, capoeira is simple JOY. you have to live it, otherwise you're not a real capoerista. it's NOT recreation, capoeira is... uh, i just can't explain. i'm so happy when i see that people around me that don't do capoeira, realise that capoeira for me is something more than just a afternoon activity. cause it's much, much more!

anyways, during my stay there i also thought a lot about Jure, about what we have now, how i feel about him and all that. for me he's like a cuddly bear that i know is always waitting for me, when i come home and want some attention and love. it's really nice to have him although i still can't see us getting back together. i know there are no rules of what i should do, but the society is always forcing us into some kind of regulations, orders, systems... that's why it's sometimes hard to handle what we have. cause there is no ''official'' name to our relationship. we simply like each other and i know i can count on him, and i know where to find a hug or a kiss..he's always just one call away. amazing actually, because when i was with S... even though he was officially with me, this feeling was often lost or inescure. you know what i mean?

okay, this is it for today...have to rest. lately i feel so tired all of the time, i can't imagine why. my sister was joking that maybe i'm pregnant!! a really BAD joke indeed!! omg...

guilty of charge

i'm sitting in my office, trying to stay awake by making myself busy with whatsoever.

i'm thinking about guilt. it's a pretty lousy feeling don't you think. but as far as i know it's socially conditioned. i mean would we feel guilt if our whole lives there wouldn't be someone reminding us of what we do wrong, what is socially acceptable, what is morally acceptable etc. ? i don't think ancient tribes had problems with guilt. i mean they knew if they kill an animal, it's simply an act of survival in the circle of life. their whole lives were simply act of natural behaviour. but look at us now. sometimes i feel like we're some freaks of nature. if we would act in natural order, we wouldn't feel guilt would we? i don't know, it's just my thinking, i might be wrong, but i'm almost sure we wouldn't.
but on the other hand, we are somehow advanced version of ancient tribes, so we're kinda supposed to know better, to think differently, act differently and so on. and i don't know, maybe it means that with all this progress we've gained through centuries, guilt comes along in package.

david icke was talking about guilt as a mean of manipulation. like for example Christianity makes all this ''stupid'' laws and rules of how a proper man should live. and constantly reminds us of punishment that comes if one does not obey the rules. they're seeding guilt into our minds from the day you enter your first Sunday ceremony. well, that's a healthy way to raise a person into a self-confident and successful creature! NOT!

so much about guilt for today...

chíc chick

even the clouds lost their magic, now that i know they're just a bunch of raindrops! damn you science!! at last D day is here. i can't wait to pass those two hours of the exam and start living! i mean really, it makes me feel as if i'm in prison! sitting at home studying! i guess i'm too old for this shit! hahaha!
but nevertheless what has to be done, will be done!

today is a great day, despite the fct that i have exam only at 6pm and so my whole day is almost worthless. well, it would be, if my moto wouldn't be carpe diem.
after the exam i'm off to Natasa's place to get drunk and wild =) i'm so excited you can't imagine. spending an evening with some of the finest ladiez of this town! how chíc is that?! yeah, baby..chicalisious! hahaha!

and one thing that i just can't get out of my mind. who the hell posted a comment on my previous post?? i can only imagine 3 people who would do that..and one of them already denied. hmmmm... and the fact that i got and sms from S? yeah baby...that's the news of the day. lol..NOT!
i know t's fucking hard to understand me, but those who try, are definetly rewarded by my finest personality and friendship.

chíc me, for chíc you... are you prepared to trade?

hakuna matata, fried batata =)

today is one of my so called ''crazy wacky'' dayz !! you can't simply imagine what goes on inside my head, but it's fun until it lasts. unfortunatelly after it passes, i feel strange about some things. you know like when you're drunk and you do things you wouldn't do otherwise. well, it's sort of like that, except i don't need alcohol to do stupid thingz! haha!

anywayz...right now i'm into reggae mood and slowly coming down to earth. but what i did before was crazy. i actually came up with the number of my ex- and sent him a text msg..that's after more than half a year of silence and ignoring his existence! so tell me people, where am i going?
and at the same time i am like totally excited over my 'newly' gained single status. i dunno what to do with myself i tell you... hehe!

kaboom

i'm tired. that's it, i'm just simply tired as hell! but i feel good, enormously good! i am not only adicted to capoeira itself, but all that it brings along. the people! how amazing..i'm just so blessed with all this great people that i met there and just can't seem to believe it. there have been many moments when i captured that true meanning of happines and vibrating with the world. it can not be explained to someone who has never felt that way. but believe me, it's a damn good feeling!

today we played great roda. the energy was excellent. i entered several times and played okay. but on the end it was not all good. for the first time i was seriously hit by one of capoeristas. it was NOT intentionaly i know, but it hurted. Gurghulio kicked me into my plexus. if i didn't know wxactly here my plexus was, thanks to him now i know! lol...
i mean i'll survive and all..but it was kinda of a shock to me so i had to put it out now and talk about it. and now i understand all those fighters even less. why on earth would you go and train something that always makes you hurt?? i've never understood that.

anyways,my trainnings with kids were also nice. even though the first one was not the best one i had. but just hearing your other capoerista friends telling you, you're a good teacher makes me feel better. i want to be a good capoerista in every aspect, not just to play well you know.
i think it's good for me to be modest as i am, cause that way i'll always try to gain more and try harder. and me myself i think people see me as good capoerista because i really live this art inside of me, it has a great affect on my life. i believe i can learn something from everyone, even from the one that just started capoeira.

okay, okay i'll stop with this capoeira obsession i know what some people think..get a life girl!
haha, this is my life...

and just before i end todays blabbering... today is Sabins birthday. i just wanted to say that. the rest of it.. some other time ;)

drugs and men and my crazy mind

maybe i should ask for partnership of energy star!!?! =)
i'm hyper...it's one of those days i just get the energy from somewhere and then never want to lose it!!
i know i should invest it into studying if i'd had any brain cells inside my preety head! but i guess i'm just too stupid to do it..argh, argh! lol anyways, today i bought guarana pills. i'm so wierd when it comes to drugs. i'm against chemical drugs of anykind, but i do tolerate (NOT consume, but tolerate) naturaly produced drugs, such as marihuana, crazy mushrooms etc. i mean, old native inhabitants of different tribes used all sorts of natural drugs to get high, why shouldn't i take advantage of that long gained knowledge of what makes you high and go for it. hehe, don't get me wrong, it's not as if i'm turning into obsessed drug comnsumer, i am simply just discovering new dimesnions of my mind and body so to say!! hahaha! anyways, i bought guarana pills, i'll see what kind of effect it will have on me.




and if i was talking about men 2 posts ago and how everybody around me is about men..well, how can we avoid that subject if there are so many cute, nice, sexy men out there...right in front of me..just waitting that i reach to them!! hehehe...i don't know..do i really seem like a maneater? i can't help it if they are delicious!!!! mmmmm... well, back to my studying i guess....lalalllalalaaaaalalalaaaa!!

liberation

if i've learned one thing in life it's that i will never be in a relationship if i will not be in love.

that's why i'm single again.
ooh, sweet mysteries of freedom...