de-touch yourself

funny thing, attachment. really annoying sometimes. i was just going to sleep, did all my usual meditation and all..but couldn't shut my thoughts. and i had to write it down, as i know this always makes me feel better, if not better at least lighter and with clearer vision. i've read something about our passions today, our passions that makes our life worth living and when we're in order with our own passions everything evolves so much easier. and then i've realized i'm probably not fully living within my passions. can't say really that i'm completely out of order, but i know there is more to it than the point i'm at right now, i can feel there is something behind but just can't seem to jump high enough to see it and go there.

being in London away from my 'real' life was a bless for me. to go away from all the attachments and just breathe fully without being worried what's gonna happen around the next corner, who is going to make my day in either good or bad way. and there were certainly more bad days in past months, than good ones. so, then i come here and liberate myself...you know what i'm always saying liberdade dentro da cabeca...and i mean that in many ways. but first thing is to liberate yourself from all the things that are preventing you to live to you fullest.

i'm often thinking about my attachment to my group. and others attachment to it. and i can't decide whether it is bad or good to be very much involved and attached to something in that way. but the more i think about it, the more i'm realizing that it is probably harder to go away from something like that, than to stay there. and i'm not saying that only because i've left in a way, but i am experiencing all this identity crysis at the same time that my ego ius performing to me. i mean in a way, saying to me...oh, you can't leave, you have a responsibility and you have a reputation in this group and the group will not be the same without you. which is all true from one side...but there is also the other side, where i'm currently standing and that's the side where i am noone and nobody, and i don't need a group to identify me and to give value to who i am, because all that is not important and it only distracts me. and if i am not getting positive vibes from that direction then it is surely better for me to stay where i'm now.
i know for certain that not anyone could do what i did. some people need to be identified by others, they need to be surrounded with other people because they have a certain role and they know how to behave. if they are left alone, they get scared, not knowing who they truly are. and i think everybody is afraid of that, but some deal with it, some don't. as for me i am certainly dealing with myself and no matter how hard it is at moments, i know for me this is a win win situation, because on the end it is me who shall prosper.

so, as i was saying at the beginning, attachment and detachment...not just to the group...but to people, things, places...it's a big step to go from one to another. i am not quite mastering it, but then again it is the path that matters not the goal. live, learn, love... goodbye and thanks for all the roses!