we constantly put ourselves to tests, unknowingly or knowingly. with knowledge that we gain through our personal development, we tend to attract certain situations through which we practice what we preach so to say. and i find this an amazing procedure, amazing journey of testing and challenging our ego. it's often not a nice game we play, it gets dirty and it tends to hurt. but i say it is amazing because if you see after you pass the critical time, the actual progress you have made throughout your journey...you rejoy, for you are growing and as there is an old saying ''You live, you learn.'' so it is never over. neverending game.
i was put in many situations where i could practice my commitment to the Truth. i know, i know..Truth is overrated..but then again, EVERYTHING'S overrated! because we over rate. and if we don't...well, then it looses the importance and it doesn't matter anyway, so why bother with it. so, now i got a lesson in truth. i understand what i have to do, in order to have clear mind and peacefull soul...but what makes me sad is, that people around me like too often point fingers, because they are either hurt or unhappy or unsure. i decided i'm over with that. pointing fingers is for the weak. because it is so much easier, than to be quiet and process what the experience brought to you.
i was thinking what means being humble, where is the line when one should bend its head and not be potentiously proud, and where one should simply stand behind its own words and not let anything or anyone pass them. it is hard to be humble. but it is so much more rewarding what you get when you don't get your ego fight with another persons ego.
i have seen this game so many times in the last few weeks that i got simply fed up with this battle and i can not take it anymore. i find it repulsive and not worthy of my time, therefore i step away rather than enter the game. and one important thing i have come up with is that i am many times too judgemental towards myself. too hard on everything i do. as if i am not supossed to make a single mistake, because poeple might find that mistake and show it in front of my face and leave me speachless. but i know i am not in any way perfect and yet i am the most perfect as i can be, because there is no better me, than me. it is who i am, and through time i will change and step forward and nothing will be as it is here and now, because it can not be. and what is here and now, won't even matter then. because when i screw up something now, i will know better next time so nothing can be the same as it is. from every moment we are perfect. and things are as they are.
and last, but certainly not least...i understand one important thing at this moment. i need to be alone now. i need to explore, i need to rejoyce this miracle that was given to me and it's called life. i need to grow and seek, and discover and cry and laugh and be silent and sing. and i need my lungs and my head to be clear for all that, because i believe it is how i can get the most of it all. the potential that is still captured in me, needs to be opened by myself.
thank you.
