Sunday, 31 October 2010

strong words, weak people

interpretation is everything i think. and interpretation can divide us one from other, because it is the subjective opinion of a person. and if i interpret one thing in the way that satisfies me, is that right or wrong...can it even be right or wrong? i wonder if it is possible to see things only as they are. what that even means? i've been hearing this sentence over and over again. just try to see things as they are and don't judge them, evaluate them, label them. it's hard to not be judgemental about a thing that someone does to you if the person is for example your friend right? because you have certain expectations from that person, like for example that he or she will never hurt you, or betray you, or lie to's hard not to get upset if any of those things happen. and we think in this case, that something bad happened to us.
but in my life i have had situations like that happen and i soon realised that these people don't actually matter. it might sound terrible saying your friends don't matter. but in correlation with situations that happen to you, they are just meere stuntmen that help you shoot your scene. and after the shoot you let them go, thank them for their cooperation and let them go. i needed a long time (well, it's all relative) to actually feel what i in other ways understood. because mind and soul are often strangers, which they shouldn't be. and the more distant they are, the longer we need to process certain things. and since in order to process certain things we need a lot of energy and time, it is also logical that that happens faster if we are alone. so now, if we sum all this up we can again get dfferent possible interpretations of the results...either it's better to be single if you want to progress, or that a lot of people hide behind false relationships, because they can not stand the thought of being faced with themselves. and the ironic thing is, they don't even know, they think they are fullfilled with their 'other half', but the truth is, they lost the other half of themselves which is usually their soul, and think someone else is going to fill that space. and the third interpretation is that ones that are conscious enough and are also in a relationship, usually either take longer or work harder to reach the balance between their mind and soul and if in that time their relationship doesn't fall apart, they are probably as twice as happy and proud.

i don't know...those were just my interpretations of some situations. they are not wrong, they are not right. they are just possible to be. but the thought that got into my head to day was...that if we are all a part of oneness, than we must in order to reach our higher selves, first accept all that what is happening around us, all the people, even the ones we were hurt by, because if you don't accept every tiny part of oneness, you don't actually accept a part of yourself!! and those are strong words! do you accept and feel compassionate towards everything and everyone?

Wednesday, 20 October 2010


lately i'm constantly being reminded i should practice what i 'preach' or otherwise said...walk the talk. i'm getting the message in million different ways...on million different subjects. and that's great, that's the way i self-evaluate. you know? i guess i'm just manifesting what was my decision the other be completely honest with myself. and now, all this situations come to my way where i sometimes catch myself that i'm thinking one thing and doing something else. mostly it's not something huge that can totally change my life or something, but the little everyday things that i do. for example, i'm so loudly trying to promote sustainable way of living and all..but at the same time i find myself buying a whole new bottled water of evian...'because i need the bottle for the trainning'. okay, okay...i am re-using it and all...but nevertheless, i really should buy myself a proper glass bottle or those cute metalic ones that will last for years. and that's just one example. but i think it's okay to do that, because i am actually more aware of my actions and how they are sometimes not correspondent with my thoughts and ideas. because in that crucial moment when i stand in front of the refrigerator in the store i get carried away by thurst, hunger...or some other greedy, needy capitalistic lust.

yesterday i was watching a documentary on Amazonia and i was again surprised over the damage humankind does to the one essential thing we have to even exist...NATURE. the rainforest and the river are one...and so are we, ONE with everything. we just can't seem to get it. and therefore we in order to satisfy 'our' greedy needy capitalistic lust, cut the trees to make space for vast soya fields that are cultivated in the soil soya would otherwise never even lay a seed on. and we make dams because we want more electricity, but from the river that can not give us that what we want from it, because by all parametres the decline is too low and therefore by preventing the river to run it's natural way, we create floods. and we thought floods are a natural disaster...yeah right. and then there is the lake which floods trees which start to rot in the water and the bacteria contaminates the water, the fish get sick and dies and native people are see!? it's a chain effect! and what WE get from it?
as i've said once and will probably say many times more...everything is about balance. the energy works like that. it's natural law, the strongest one of all. if there is too much of something on one side, there has to be shortage on some other side...and everything aims to balance this situation. no matter if we are talking about water, food, emotions, wishes, ideas.....everything, on any level.

it's funny how i wanted to write about something completely different when starting this post, but ended up writting about balance. which on one hand is a great topic and basically covers every aspect of our lives no matter what we talk about.

Friday, 8 October 2010

full tank / thankful

despite the fact, i already recognized and dealt with numerous behaviouristic patterns from my past, there is always this subconscious fear of not being able to recognize them if they in some cases come back. and there is this chance if you recognize them, that you won't act against them but again fall on the same track. that's the worst, if you ask me. you all know that expression ''been there, done that''. today i'm there where i've already been and i don't like it. i can't help myself if i spontaneously react the same to certain situations as i did 4 years ago. i can't and won't pretend that i'm okay if i'm not. and since my recent decision of being on a selftest of my own truth, denying true feelings woud be sabotage of my own decisions. so here i am, all in a hormone imbalance, tired, stressed...and dealing with some past feelings i thought i already got over. well, it's not so bad. i won't consider suicide or anything don't worry...i'm just thinking and analysing myself, and i easier do it by writting than in my fuzzy head. so, as i said...having no expectations is a very tough thing to do. at least for me. i don't know about other people but then again, other people don't matter. so, here we other people don't matter if you have expectations, and reaching or failling that expectations makes you feel good or bad. so other people do matter? no, they don't. that's why it's so hard. because we have these roles, rules, patterns and customs implemented in us that we live by, because we were tought to do so...which in my opinion is not bad, because we weren't even aware of it. but once you wake up from this 'dream' we call our life, our truth...we are no longer satisfied with that. we no longer accept certain ways of thinking or living, because we eagerly want to find ourselves, our true and essential being. big words huh? well, i kinda hate it if people get judgemental on this kind of talks...i see it simply in a way that my vocabulary is slightly different from yours and we in a way can not communicate, because some think i'm full of shit or illusionary ideas that are nothing but a bunch of crap. but at the end of the day...does it matter? does it change anything in my world? actually no, i still believe in what i believe and you still are sleeping. everyone's happy. and the truth? well, the truth is there. so you see...others don't matter.

i'm not being nihilistic at all, i'm just trying to explain how i see it. being nihilistic would mean i was a pasive object, ignoring my surroundings and let everything just happen to me. but i try to be the active actor in making things arround me happen to me the way i want them, but at the same time knowing that nothing is so important that could make me go out of balance. that's the difference. and the point of it all. BALANCE. if you're either too much on one side or the other, you're gonna eventually get flipped on the other 'missing' half whether you like it or not.
because life is nothing personal, just balance. the energy has to be balanced in order for this world to remain. and that's all that there is to it, you see, nothing personal. giving importance to things, people and events, creates expectations, and that can create imbalance. and that's exactly what i did today. but because i love myself and i want nothing but to understand and accept things for what they are without giving them importance, i decided i forgive myself and again learned a lesson. i'm not perfect, but i'm thankful.