i usually don't write this late at night, specially not if i come from work. but i guess today those 4 coffees during the day and redbull in the club did their work and got me awake and not feeling sleepy yet.
i got this urgent need to write a blog when i come from work tonight.
i was thinking about getting and recieving and feeling love. but not love as a feeling between two people..but that unconditional love that is the base of all things, the pure feeling of completness. i'm not very romantic person actually, not with words at least. so i will not talk about stars and the moon in the sky and the cute little couples around the park. but about how when you truly love yourself, it shows. it can be seen on the outside you know. and the energy that you give away, it atracts more love, more affection, more...i don't know, just more attention. i can't describe exactly what i mean. people just feel that you are full of something. and sometimes they can be empty and they take what you have, but sometimes they can also give you what they have. and all this energy share, can sometimes be nice and sometimes it can be hard. sometimes i'm so tired of all this sharing you know. i just wanna be kept alone. but it's impossible. cause we are connected and once you're connected it can be hard to disconnect. people expect things from you, they call you, they wanna see you, hear you, touch you..feel you. who says being human is easy...well, he's wrong!
and to tell you the truth, i'm really not satisfied with what i have written. maybe i should go to bed anyway...
Saturday, 26 January 2008
i decided it's time to attend one of the most sensual parties on the world. i know it's happenning only in may and there will be more said in forthcoming months..but i'm looking forward to! sensation white here i come. and believe it or not..it's happening right on the date of my birth! how kool is that!?! =O
Posted by bea at 16:11
Saturday, 19 January 2008
there are ceratin days i just can't seem to get a grip of myself..and i feel really bad and sad and pathetic and useless and... whatever! and today is one of those days..so just... BUZZ OFF! or better..i will!!!!!!
p.s. but depsite all, i do have the funkiest headphones in Ljubljana! =P
Posted by bea at 16:24
Wednesday, 16 January 2008
last few days i'm little worried about myself. i have so many questions that i ask myself. i have so many doubts in certain things i'm doing. and the things is that i'm the one doing them. i'm not sure if it's because i'm bored, or because i'm supossed to write diploma and i am only looking for excuses...or am i lonely or what? i thought i already had gone over the loneliness crysis and i guess i did but in a way, i also think that i'm a kind of person that just needs to be occupied with certain human relations. argh, sometimes i hate us humans being such fuc**** sociable creatures. sometimes i just need peace... i don't know why i can't hold still and focus on one thing. i have so much energy, but am obviously just unable to focus it on one thing. according to the movie what the bleep do we know, i could be theoretically addicted to complicated situations so therefore i'm searching for them. but on the other hand..it's not as bad as it looks like. as long as i have in mind that i'm in control of my life and i can do whatever i please to do with it.
eternal life knot
wierd... i feel as if our lifes are always as some kind of abstract line that goes straight ahead for some time than starts to curve more and more, and then nods begin..and on the end it maybe breaks or just sort of straighten up again. well, my line is starting to get nods...and nods are not always easy to untight!
Posted by bea at 23:38
Tuesday, 15 January 2008
i'm back from netherlands. it was a nice trip, not really relaxing no, but interesting and it felt good to travel again, to move. the mushrooms are still a mistery to me, meanning i did not consume any, meanning that a security guy in the club in Amsterdam took them from me, for i was not supposed to take them them inside. but how was i supossed to know that!!?!?!?! i am angry because this appened, but both me and Tina sort of understood this as a sign. i don't know, maybe it's better for me not to take them, but i was feeling perfect, i really think i would have a damn good trip. but nevertheless, at least the party was good, Tom Novy got it going on. again i was queen of the night, dancing my hips away ;) of course all the gays in the club we're immediatelly my friends =) oh well, tell me something new...
the thing that bothered me the most all this days was..the cigarette smoke! IMAGINE THAT!? =)
they don't have prohibition of indoor smoking on public places, so i was surrounded with it, every step of my way. i was surprised how hard i was judging smokers, i hate them really. and both Jasna and Tina were also smoking inside the room, so imagine us three in 3 square meters small room, with two smokers and one radical ANTI-smoker! yeah, i had to go over myself...but i decided if i ever have a boyfriend again, he surely won't be a smoker NO WAY! it's a choice that i can make and i ain't changing my mind. i hope the prohibition in Slovenia stays, cause i surely don't want to go back to those smoked bars and clubs where i have to wash my hair every day just because i went for a coffee with my friends. i'm sorry, i know i might sound really intolerant, but i've had it ith this smokers!!
Posted by bea at 11:52
Saturday, 5 January 2008
hei! it's me , you know... the blabering me, that always talks about herself and stuff? =) well, imagine this..i'm gonna write another one of my amusing blog posts..so that all of you who don't read my blog, will be missing one hell of a reading! lol
but no, seriously...i am going to write about myself. but the funny thing is... that we are all connected you know. so i actually talk about everyone and everything, when i talk about myself. it's just that probably your perception is so much different from mine, that it is hard to imagine i'm talking about the same world.
i'm just watching this movie called what the bleep do we know. it talks about all this stuff. sometimes it's even too much, cause there are all this scientist blaberring about quantum physics and all stuff i don't quite understand but nevertheless, you have to be openned to this kinda things if you want to understand them. i look at it from this perspective. even if i don't understand every word of it, i'm sure i can understand it in some other vibrational level as they say. because maybe i don't know the exact scientific word for something, but i can feel it in a way and understand it, accept it. uh, it's quite hard to explain what i'm trying to say here, but this is as simple as i know how to.
i was thinking about what effect the drugs have on our mind... you know all those crazy mushrooms and other halucinogene stuff... do you think all that Alice in wonderland story that shows in front of your eyes is simply the drug effect, or is it the usual world around us, that we are just unable to percieve at our level of consciousness?
do you understand me? i mean if there are like 4 bilion something of information coming to our head and we are able only to percieve and progress like the quantity of 2000 where does that leave us? we basicly are retarded!? lol..i mean just imagine all the stuff that is going on around us and we are just unable to accept , cause it would obvioulsy be too much for our little heads!..omg!!!!
that's something to think about... and i'm sure that if you are a curious person, and if you want to explore all the depths of our mind.. you should start by openning yourself to the world.
let the energy flow...
Posted by bea at 21:55
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