Sunday, 29 April 2007

others and me

some things are changing.. am i scared.. sure, why shouldn't i be. but then again, i do not let fear over rule other pleasant things. i started to look for an appartment, went to see two of them on thursday, liked one, hated the other ... but still no sign of any serious move. so i'm still sitting in the safe arms of my own room dreaming of my little own place that i would fill with our energy and then we would live there happilly ever after. it takes time, don't rush.. that's what alenka is saying.. i'm so impatient. but she's in fact the only one that believes in me. others around me just keep saying it's hard and that i won't make it and lots of other stuff that make me doubt, scare me...but then again, i think it's their own fears and doubts that they put on me... cause they don't have the balls to do it. i know a woman, that simply had to move away from home so she took a credit on an appartment and she took two jobs, she was like totally working 24/7 and i believe she will make it. i remember her often, although we don't have any contacts anymore.
so i think i can make it too.
and another thing happened on thursday that made me really happy . after one year and a half we are dating i finally was invited to his home. i guess he felt guilty cause we were supossed to meet in the afternoon so he called me and said if i wanna come to stay over night. OF COURSE i wanna!! =) so i went to Trebnje and we spent the night together. did i already tell you i love him...

Monday, 23 April 2007


today i'm going to see an appartment with my boyfriend. we shall see if i will feel comfortable to stay there.. it's a big step although i did it before. i don't want to be somewhere i don't feel the good vibe. i'm staying home again...the faculty stuff are somewhere behind and i'm just strangely standing at a certain point from where i can't move. brrr, it's a bad feeling.
i was working in the night... it was a nice evening, i always enjoy gay nights cause i know they will play some nice house, the way i like it. and the people are nice too.
i got this notes from a friend from school and i was studying environmental law without even having to study it.. i'm telling you i'm wierd. cause, why the hell would i be doing something i don't have to and not the things i should. blah... i'm confused... =/
anyways.... some changes... any changes....

Friday, 20 April 2007


i don't know what makes me publish my stuff in this virtual world. it's funny, i just do it. and i'm doing it more and more... that space, this blog, that profile, this site... it's going on and on =) endless road.............
anyways... i just wanted to inform you about my new site i did today =) welllcome!

Wednesday, 18 April 2007

healthy living

today i've decided to visit my doctor. i had to in one way or another. one is that i get excuse for monday because i didn't deliver a project i was supossed to, and other reason is to take care of myself. everytime i go to see my doctor i'm thinking the same thoughts.. it's funny. i'm wondering if i'm entitled to go there, if my health condition is really in the need for a doctors appointment. but it's stupid, cause they are there to solve problems no matter how big they are. and if i don't need medical assistance, it's them who should make me calm down and send me home saying i'm perfectly fine, right? i think so =)
my doctor is ok, but i never am comfortable in asking her to write me that litte white paper that says it's fine that i stayed at home and didn't go to school. i feel guilty. sure, maybe in a way it's my laziness to a certain point, but people should not feel guilty if they stay home because they're ill... it's this mentality of ours that makes us like this. you must always be present at work, never miss a class, be good to other people, don't complain, just let others walk over you... !! i like to hang with people who know what belongs to them, what they want and they also ask for it, if not.. they take it! in this society unfortunatelly nobody gives you anything, nobody takes care of you, if you don't, nobody asks you how are you and nobody says ''bless you'' on the street if you sneeze. it's a funny way putting it, but it's true... i don't know why, but i'm bothered if nobody says anything if i sneeze for example on the bus. i sometimes say it.. not always, cause others don't ,so i figure they all wanna stay in their ''pretty little worlds'' inside their heads.
uf, from where i started i came to a totally diferrent subject..ok, sneezing has something to do with health =) anyways, everything what i wrote came to me today in 2,5 hours which is how much i needed to get from my house to the doctor, pharmacy and back home.
now, i guess back to studies.. or what! =( oh, oh.. i forgot to tell you my diagnosys... i have to stay home this week!! =) and i also got these funny barbie-like pills and i simply had to put the picture of it above.. who would feel comfortable in taking that kind of pills. i think the pharmacy company tried to make them 'user appealing' but to tell you the truth, i think they've missed =)

Sunday, 15 April 2007

fear and changes

how true is what moloko is saying in one of her songs, fear can stop you loving, love can stop your fear... but today i would put it other way... fear can stop you from changing, and changes can stop your fear.
i admit i am often afraid of changes... i can blame it on my zodiac sign they say. but i try to get away from that, cause fear can make you freeze and then you're not moving anywhere. why am i talking about this, cause i'm about to make one of the biggest change in my life and i'm trying not to be afraid. why should i be, if i fail (which i do not intend to) i will not die, so why not take a risk and JUST DO IT! if i already did it once in my life, why shouldn't it work this time. positive vibes people... that's what keeps us going on, and that's what makes you do things in your life, to go on, to change! cause if we won't change our lives, somebody else will and it does not seem right to let others run our lives right? well, to me it doesn't!!
i will make it, cause i believe in it!! (and you all might ask me,what are you talking about girl???) it doesn't matter anyways... this goes for everything you do in your life... it's a universal law =)

Saturday, 14 April 2007


you know how people generally don't like to go to this reunions of anykind. well i had one yesterday and we had the greatest time ever!! i saw most of my ex-school mates from highschool and i must say i was happy to see them all, well almost all of them, still how they were..well, surely we all changed, but we didn't become strangers..that's what counts. we had so much fun, i didn't expect that. if we ignore the fact that we went to the worst club in ljubljana to dance, it was an evening to remember forever. i can't wait to see them all again in 5 years. i said five years because it's boring if we would see each other too often, this is much more fun. =)
anyways, that's what i wanted to say for today... i will always keep nice memories of my high school years. maybe next time we will have our reunion in dolenjska in Hrastno where Severa and me have zidanico. who knows?! =)

Thursday, 12 April 2007


it often happens to me that my life starts rushing. why? i don't know. the tempo just increases and i suddenly realise i'm speeding too fast for my brains. and i have to stop. don't worry, i am aware of this and every time it happens to me i make it stop. i am not a person of high speed stress life, i simply can not handle it. and why am i talking about it? cause i'm at the last phase of this phenomena. i'm slowing down. and i'm skipping my trainning because of that. YES, dear people even maja sometimes skips capoeira..unbelievable but true. =) anyways, i just don't feel like meeting people and socializing with them. it's too much for now. i need peace and calmness to get back to my innerself..hehe, no matter how cliché this sounds it's true. it's a nice evening, and more than anything i would just like to enjoy it without a thought on my mind. i've had my morning of stressed job and heavy traffic and i've did my daily courses, satisfied my primary needs and finished my school obligations for tomorrow. now all i owe to myself is to calm my soul....

Sunday, 8 April 2007

easter, weaster, northster, souther...

i've ate one easter egg in the morning, it was a green one.. of course. and that's okay, cause i'm a christian(according to my father), it's logical that we eat this traditional types of easter food. but i don't get it, why did i get milions of easter emails and messages on my phone, from people who are not christians and do not go to church ar however participate in this religion. it's funny. i will not even reply, cause i don't know what to say to them... happy easter, even if you don't believe that Jesus revived from death? lol
well, long ago i stopped believing in this religion, in this god. i don't know why, i just don't believe. maybe it has something to do with how people around me supossably christians that act nothing close to chrsitianity. and others calling themselves atheist, acting like role model for christians. so faith has nothing to do with how the person is or what? i don't know. some people think the basic thing to be a good person is to be christian, otherwise your bad by default. that's such a bullshit isn't it. nobody with normal brains would think like this. but then again.. who said christians have their own brains, this worries me, doesn't it worry you?
anyways, what i wanted to say today is that sometimes we mix different cultures, religions and holidays because they are a part of our culture, but the question is until where should we let it mix .

the land of terabithia

my terabithia is my head, the world nobody else knows about. the world i keep for myself. i'm different, different than anybody around me. i'm not superior, more important.. i'm just different from others. each person has his terabithia and i think the best thing that can happen in a mans life is, when your terabithia gets so close to another one, that two worlds cross. and we call it, true love, friendship, destiny. my boy has closest terabithia to mine.
i was thinking about how people match. it couldn't just be these emotions we feel inside. there is one obvious thing that man is an animal to a certain point and that nature has it's own laws. how come people usually fall in love with people of same or close age? well, because mother nature has to bring together the most vital sample of each kind. it's true, there are marriages or relationships of a huge age difference, but that rare examples are what only confirms the truth. (and let's be honest, a lot of them have nothing to do with feelings, emotions and stuf like that.)
because men are thought to be the special specie that are above all the rest, we also needed something to make us feel special and chosen to get together with a certain person. that's why nature invented this tickleish feeling inside our bodies when we see certing person. and that means we are in love with that person. and when besides that butterflies in the stomach comes with it also crossing of two terabithias.... kaching!! we have a perfect match! =)

and i found one, no matter all this talking above... i found my perfect match,nothing else matters to me. how lucky am i? (oh, c'mon, luck has nothing to do with it =) lol!)

Sunday, 1 April 2007

capoeira meu amor

i love this canmake me feel so full and happy. capoeira is really in my heart and can not go out of my head. even my boyfriend sometimes says i put capoeira before him.. which is of course not true, but indeed close to it ;)
lately our professor kinda changed and i feel we have much better relationship with him. and the trainnings are much more enjoyable. in 2 weeks i feel and see much more progress in my movement as before in months. it's amazing. and professor is actually giving comments about our movements. all is good and i hope it will get even better. since we divided to two groups, one of begginers and one advanced, we get much more attention and progress i guess, cause professor can give us diferrent tasks, harder and more complicated.
okay, enough about my capoeira. let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me... =)
seriously... let's talk about you and me. what's going on... i don't like this shituation!!! i hate it!!! it's making my heart cry all the time, even if i look happy on the outside. i'm always waitting for some better times but they never come. never! grrrr.. i'm pissed off with this. how can you live the moment if you don't have the moment? really i'm tired of this! if soon we don't think of something i'll get crazy.
happiness is a state of mind, state of mind, mind.....................................................................................