loan-liness

we are cameleons...we tend to change our colors, to adjust to a situation and a lot of times we are not even aware of it. as for me, i so easily and quietly adjust, that sometimes i surprise myself. just today i was thinking about it and realised that. so funny, especially when you counsciously observe the situation as an outside observer. and afterwards i also realised why we sometimes can feel alone even among other people. because we tend to mirror the surroundings inside us, and if the surrounding is not responding, we suddenly feel this emptiness. but the thing is, that this emptiness is a product of our own and not to be blamed on the surroundings. if one is complete in spiritual sense, there is not a single spot inside him, that is left empty and needs to be filled with some outter party. we often forget that or do not even know the reason for our loneliness. i think we should replace the pronounciation of the word loneliness into loan-liness, because it has higher discriptive meanning....we borrow a person or a situation to fill us in. and we expect it to last. but it can not last, since it is not our true nature, we just borrowed it. so eventually we have to be faced with ourselves. many times people just replace one loan after another because they simply can not bare to look deeper. but if you are ready and brave enough to look there, i can assure you, you shall find nothing but fullfilling emptiness of your true self.

reflections without mirror

i know sometimes people want to think that they're something that they're really not, or they want to be something they're really not. and i understand why we all sometimes feel like that. but idon't think that's being sincere to yourself. and not being truthfull to yourself, is not being truthfull to others around you. it hurts. seeing other person trying to be something it's not really him or her. i've stopped trying to change people around me, i don't care anymore. if we get along i accept that, but if not, there is only one thing i do..i step away from them. simple. makes sense and makes it easier. what's the point in having anykind of relationship if you feel it's not genuine. i don't have any problem with accepting people for who they are, i just don't feel any need anymore of attaching myself to anyone. and i find it hillarious and pathetic if i see someone that does. i knew there will come the time when i will slowly start to selectively pick my social network, by that meanning i will extract only the best of the best, the essence of the flower field. it's gonna sound funny what i'm about to say...but it said it in the book, this would happen. because when a person is no longer in need of outter reflections, because one is capable of recognising them at himself, he can slowly get bored by watching the same old situations which are not getting him anywhere. i admit i might seem a bit arogant at times, but i simply can not and will not get into a conversation if it doesn't interest me, or if i can see the deeper picture and don't like it. i don't simply follow conversations anymore. i analyse them on some other level. i can't explain, but what people say is often so irrelevant to me, because underneath all that crap they're saying just for something to be said...i feel and understand other things. and i can not go beyond that anymore now. sometimes i try, but it's not working...probably because i don't want it to work.

i enjoy being me, and i don't really need anyone to enjoy it either. i'm not saying i don't need friends, of course i do! i love them and i wouldn't trade them for anything. i just wish people would start being more honest to themselves so that relationships of anykind would start to be more honest.