seasonal clearance

why is it so hard to accept things as they are. it is the one most simple thing in the world, and yet we can not manage to overcome our urge to change, evaluate, comment almost everything that happens in our lives.

many times i have come to this point, where i almost clearly understood with my heart what it means to accept the moment as it is and embrace it, but yet i did not manage to hold that feeling inside me for longer time. it always comes as a glimpse and quickly passes away. but it gives me hope. hope to continue doing what i do and searching the way i do, because i know that it is the exactly what i wish to achieve. i am a hunter. and my prey is that enormous overwhelming freedom that comes every now and then. i know i have my mistakes and i know i probably could do it some other way which would be easier and quicker..but then again, here i am again resisting the moment as it is, by evaluating my deeds as bad and not effective. one simple thing that i have come to a knowledge is that every time and i mean every time, when something happens that makes me feel overwhelmed or sad or nervous...simply out of balance..i take a deep breath and it helps. that is the first step. it is so funny how some things that i have read in the books or heard somewhere, are starting to come to practice in my daily OM as i might call it. after some time i realize that i actually do things subconsciously that are helping me reach my goal..and that is to become more in tune with myself. and i try to be alert and awake for every possible 'hint' that i can get that could help me achieve it. people always amaze me, but also amuse me. they are sometimes like my exercise tools for me to grow. what they do, affects me and i kind of just react to their actions and understand it as my exercise. it has nothing to do with them actually. it is as if i would be playing this game alone and all the people around me are my playground toys. this may sound very non personal but there is nothing bad in this. i simply try to erase the story behind it. and that story is often making us blind. and that story is too often addicting us from seeing clearly.

hopefully the journey that i am taking now in two days will help me clear my way so that i can see clearly and hear what silence is telling me. ten days in silence, surely i will hear something.

stop, take a breath

there must be something seriously wrong with this world..or better said, with the society. because the way i see it, we are gasping for air..we are probably the only specie that is evolving towards its extinction. everything is turned upside down. aren't we supposed to go the other way. i mean it is not all so dark and grey, of course there is evolution going on, but at the same time we constantly need dangerous cliffs, over which we constantly are falling. we need radical situations to wake us up and make us go the other, safer way. why are there mostly smaller groups of people around that are starting doing something, before it is too late to save ourselves. why is it that the majority is always one step behind the minority?? is it so hard to look over the crowd, outside the box and realize that there is something more than only gasping..that we were actually made to breathe with full lungs, but in long period of time we simply forgot or what? we seriously need to learn how to breathe again. and i mean this metaphorically and metaphysically. stop. hello.