vipassana

it is Sunday. the hot days are seemingly over or at least for today so i can again focus on things. seems like as if the heat and the power of the planet sun is kind of distracting us from being focused. today is the first day i feel calm and peaceful inside myself again as if waking from a chaotic dream of past few days. i love quiet moments in my home, with distant sounds of other families and friends doing their everyday things, with pleasant tingling sound of my dreamcatcher above my bed and my keyboard when i press letters of future words that are to be published on my blog. but it's quiet, so quiet. so fulfilling.
since i came from vipassana i have been sort of avoiding big crowds of people. i do not want to sound as if i this experience totally changed my life and that now i am enlightened or in any way better than someone who does not have this kind of experience, but the truth is... it changes you. even though i am not a perfect vipassana student now that i have come home and i do not practice my meditation everyday, i am different. and of course it is logical, if i would not change, what is the point of going to this kind of places. it is a beautiful thing. it is a comforting thing. knowing that there is a possibility that one can truly end the suffering, and all it takes is being with oneself and understand what is causing it. two hours of meditation per day, is that a high price to pay to be happy? is it? it is not! surely one must have self discipline to preserve this habit and to practice it everyday. but all this is nothing in comparison for what you get and how you feel afterwards. i get so overwhelmed talking and thinking about it. and i know all this shall pass, as everything else does. and that is the thing that we are to understand and accept. all this shall pass, nothing in this world remains and nothing is important. and thy truth is only your perception, if one is able to take the lenses off their eyes and just see thing as they are, it is the most precious gift we can give to ourselves. so simple. and yet so hard. are we able to get out of this box and at least have a peak over the edge? just for a moment, are we capable of percieving the world around us in a totally different manner? and after giving it a try and if realizing that it is the ultimate truth, can we let go of our previous beliefs and by that maybe needing to change our lives? it takes a strong will and commitment, but the reward is hundred times more precious. and after our decision, it is only what is natural and what we should have done long before, but were unable due to our scenario that was given to us by our ancestors, society. and one asks who am i? am i an individual? am i a part of a group? we are all individuals belonging to a greater oneness. when peace is seeded inside our hearts, the question vanishes. my individuum that was before my ego dies and what is left is my consciousness that is a part of oneness. i don't feel any need to identify myself with my body, things, situations, people...there is no fear that i will vanish and there will be no trace of me when my body dies. for there is only love. and love and compassion are energy and energy does not vanish. energy just transforms.

i wish may every person find this feeling inside him. in whatever way.