my first, my last...day

i have three things that can describe my december...presents, COLD and alcohol. not really promising huh? but you know, you always comfort yurself it will get better in the next year.. hehehe! wel, i'm not saying it's bad, it's just that i realised how all this euphoric karma all around gets you in the flow and suddenly you find yourself kinda lost one morning when you wake up. but hey, i guess we need to losen up a little once in a while.

so lets see the most important things that happened this year. hmm, it is kinda hard to sum it up..i don't even remember everything that happened but seemed very important at the time. it's because we live here and now and the things that already passed are losing their importancy, i guess. for me i guess one of the most important things is Aleš coming into my life. i was just thinking beofore that i wished for him years ago, and now he's here. i actually was thinking about him, i just didn't know it was him then. and here he is, teaching me things everyday even if he isn't aware of it. i think i'm becoming different or at least trying to, cause i admire some of his virtues that i am also longing to have. not to become the same as him, but cause i've always wanted to change some things but couldn't. he is my teacher, my friend and my lover.

the next thing is my diploma. slowly coming to the end of it. not the biggest nightmare anymore. kinda strange though, cause for two years it was like a heavy cloud over my shoulders. but we survived that too.

and my sister moved away. my roommate since she was born. i still can't remove her things from the room, cause it feels strange if she ever comes for a visit and not having anything of hers in the room. but i'm happy for her. cause i know how hard it is to stay at home.

there is also my capoeira. i can't even believe it sometimes how it gets to me. not just capoeira itself, but especially the people there. and my role inside the group is more often a burden than a pleasure. that is definetly one of the things i will have to handle.

but on the end i always say to myself...it is not the new year that will bring me changes, cause it is always ME that has to act. so no matter new year or middle of august, it is when you move from talking to action when things begin to change.

25.12.

i really don't feel like talking about my feelings about christmas and all that comes with it...but if i would have to tell one thing i like about christmas is that i love the colored lights all over the house and the smell of a fresh christmas tree. the end.

real E.T.

fasten your seat belts please and go for a ride with me. a ride into unknown directions of my so called reality. lately i've been often thinking about the fact that hat we see is what we believe in and what we know. there's this theory that we're sort of unable to project or materialize the things we're not familiar with. so our reality is actually a selective world of our own beliefs? kinda hard to believe or imagine that huh? like what does that mean in practice, that if i don't believe in something and my friend does, i will not be able to see it even if would be in the same place, same time? he would be showing me something that i won't be able to see cause i wouldn't believe in it?



so what we think is what we materialize. but are there limitations? i mean how many realities can fit into one place? then it is maybe right, the theory that says there are several realities coexisting like parallel universes.

and what is all that talk about common conciousness? on what level is it common? where we all vibrate on the same frequency and see, feel, touch same stuff? and what does it mean all this...do wee seek to find one and only common conciousness or are we to preserve each ones own. what is better for us?

heavy traffic and waterfalls

rainy winter is continuosly following us these past days. people are all nervous because of all the water that's falling down our pretty earth, but nevermind them, as long as i'm holding on to my sunshine inside myself nothing can get me. i feel allright you know, suprisingly not paying any attention to the rain which i usually do. i guess it's because it's not really sooooo important. and even my low pressure doesn't take this weather into an account so i'm not as eager for a cup of coffee as i usually am. well, it doesn't mean i'm not drinking it, but it's more a matter of habit than anything else. and i got a coffee machine from my mom for a christmas present, which makes me drink it even more than before.



i've been earning some small money in a fair trade shop. interesting experience indeed. it made me really think about fair trade and all. cause if you look at it my way, where is fairness in this: some people getting paid for their job and on the other end of the chain volunteers working in a shop where these items are sold? i don't have anything against volunteering don't get me wrong, i think it's great. but i wouldn't call it a fair trade. i don't know if it fits in the concept. everyone should be fairly payed for what they do, that's fair. isn't it?

so how's my diploma progressing? due to my newest injury i'm still not able to walk normally so i wasn't able to go on a another field check, but i think this weekend i shall make it there for the final round. of course with a helping hand of my boyfriend, who won't let me go there by myself anymore..hehe!
and the biggest news of them all is...that my little sis moved away from home. so now i'm staying in this big room all by myself. of course i already made some furniture changes so now it looks as thoughas it's even bigger than before. and i have two beds, two desks...total luxury! hehe