i turned 30. finally. not that i've been eagerly waitting for it, but the myth is finally broken. and a new dawn is rising for me. i could definitely say that, afterall my 30th bday bash was a total blast!! it still brings tears to my eyes when i remember the filling that ran through my body, when i curiously opened the envelope my friendz gave me. and when i was to find out that they're sending me to brasil, i could only collapse to the ground and cry...cry out of happiness and gratitude but mostly because i have never before felt so loved, surrounded by people that care for me and really wish me the best. all my dreamz came true, even more than that. i have become to realize that maybe i was underestimating my capability to settle into other people's hearts. i'm still having trouble realizing that i guess. i try to do good, be good to others and be grateful for everything, but rarely do i take credits i might also mean a lot to others. it's hard to imagine how other people see you, afterall we are all different, with our own ideas, wishes, expectations and demands.
on the other hand i'm scared. to someone it might sound ridiculous, what is there to be scared of, when your dreams are becoming true. but there is. if your wish is so strong as mine is, can reality reach that idealistic picture i have made inside my head in all this years of my wish to travel to my dream country. what will happen there, will i be dissapointed, will i realize i don't want to leave that place to come back home, will i simply get so obverwhelmed that i won't be able to relax and take the most of it. argh, all this questions come to my mind, and my thoughts just keep drifting away during my reading of lonely planet guide.
oh, but i guess all this thoughts are just normal and sooner or later, when i will get used to the fact that i AM REALLY going there, my mind will simply take it easy and by the time i arrive there i'll just easily slip into that brasil-mode and samba my way to the streets of Salvador. afterall, it's just a country...most beautiful in the world.
in my heart i feel gratitude. loads and loads of it.