in this dinamic and fast way of life i often forget how good it feels to walk in the woods, listen to birds, the sound of the leafs in fall, feel the last sun rays on your face...and what a calming effect it has all this on your mind. and if you add a loving person next to your side..it's a winners combination. it may seem little senior-like, but i've been told a million times that we should learn from older people's experiences. and here i completely understand why, cause it feels good.
sure, i'm not saying i don't like my city life, but every time i visit country side or just travel through a beautiful green landscape...it reminds me, how we used to walk around mountains and woods with my dad and how i used to hate all those family trips. and look at me now, writting hymns to all that what i thought back in those days were just stupid ideas of my father. i'm not afraid to admit my wrong if i find it i was wrong, it's just that sometimes i'm so stuborn that i simply have to come to certain conclusions myself.
so, i think it's time to take some time off an go, as they say in the rasta world,..back to the roots!
being in love is magic...nothing beats the feeling! but falling in love once per week, for the same person..that's impossible to describe...feels like, feels like..khm, dunno... devine magic!! and so i pass the days in total happiness, sometimes forgetting the world around me. i know it might not be healthy staying at home all day and all i think about is how i'm gonna see his beautiful face when he visits...but this is how it is now and i wouldn't change it for the world. on sunday i cried next to him, i still don't know why, was it because i was so happy to be next to him or because i was so sad knowing i'd have to leave soon. and every time he is next to me just smilling or looking at me i feel it, i feel all the love on this planet surrounding us both together.
i've had only a couple of really close friends in my life. and i know that a friend is really my friend when i can't sleep if there's something wrong with our relationship. if we argue or we don't talk...cause then i know that i really care for that person and it makes me sad deep in my heart if i see the person but can't talk to her. i know it takes two people to argue and i'm not saying that half of the guilt isn't mine....but if true friends are really true, i believe there's always a way in making it right again. it may be hard if these two persons are so different as me and tanja are, but i just can't stand the feeling when we argue, it hurts me really bad and i'm sad.
since you've openned up your heart and shined on me...my life is enormously colorful. okay, i'm not saying that it wasn't before, but how could i not see rainbows all around, if there's so much love coming from you. and what greater is the feeling when your man is looking at you with passion and desire, even when you're dancing among fifty other hot looking girls in the club. it's how it's supossed to be...at least how i see it...we have to be adored, loved and cared for..even with all this emancipation thing, women simply need men to do this. i guess some laws just can't be ignored, no matter how we try. but it's funny though, cause other species have it the other way around...for example all the males are usually all colorful and nice..with human specie is the opsite, women wear make up and dress up, to look good for men. another proof, how humans always walk towards natures ways... hehe!anyways, shine on, shine on you crazy diamond!
all the capoeira happening that is going on lately makes me realise more and more, that where i stand is the best position i could possibly be at. don't get me wrong, nothing is perfect and there are million things to do and to worry about...but suma sumarum...i'm climbing up a steep mountain and i know the mountain will not collapse cause it's strong. cause what i get at the top is more i could probably swallow. there are million possibilities of where i could go, what i could do... but i've come to the conclusion that, why search for capoeira outside, if i still have so much to learn where i am now. there'sno need in being so hasty and unpatient, the only thing i have to have is determination and will of doing this beautiful art of moving.
so, i'm only my diploma away from the beggining of my other half of life. that's what i call it at least. i still have no idea of what i wanna do, but i'm really optimistic about it actually now that i think about it again. i won't close my possibilities in any of the paths i'm walking on currently... cause i like to walk them all. i could teach capoeira, i could work as a landscape architect, i could go and do a license for a turist guide, i could become a journalist... so among all these posssibilities you can see it's really not easy to pick just one, cause they're all tempting and dinamic.
my friends are all moving on their own...well, they're lucky enough to have rich daddies that are able to give them apartments, i'm really happy for them cause i know how hard it is to get something like that if you're just an average citizen...but it also worries me cause when he time comes for me... don't have any idea of what will happen to me. well, i guess i will just leave this heavy thoughts for later and now rejoy with the ones who are lucky.
so i guess we are in those years when our friendz start to get married and have children! i'm scared... and it's not because it means we're getting older, but because i personally have no inner desire to start thinking about those things and it scares me that the surroundings will make me do it. i still feel like a teenager. and it's not that i'm not ready to take responsibility for something like a marriage or a child, but i think it's certainly not the time yet. but then again, our lives are different. anyways, i was thinking..i ike anja...she's my kind of girl...i think my life would look like her's when i start living with a guy. no desire to marry or to have kids...as if i don't have other things that preocupy my mind, who needs marriage and annoying little creature running around the house. hehe...i know some of you may disagree now, but hey, that's my current opinion, i never said i will not change my mind. since my life is full of situations that i was always saying, will never happen to me. if i learned one thing in life is that you should never say never! because you never know...heheh!
anyways, alenka is pregnant for about three months. when i found out she is, i was happy for her and all..of course, but on the other side really surprised. cause she was always on my side of he world. but as i said..you never know what life brings you. can you imagine that after that, i was dreaming about ME being pregnant and it was really scary. and even in my dreams i didn't want to be pregnant. i know a lot of you probably don't understand me, but i am scared the hell out of pregnancy. i can't imagine something growing inside of me, moving all over my belly and kicking. it is disgusting. i'm sorry, i can't help it.and the after i kinda accept that alenka is having a child, Alja invites me to her last single party! as if i didn't have enough of surprises! ehehe so, we had a party, a damn good one! i think she really enjoyed it, and so did we. we made her do really stupid and funny stuff. but i can't tell, cause men are not supossed to know about what is going on at these parties! ;) so, farewell Alja...i wish you a great marriage and i wish it would last till the rest of your life..for real! i'm so happy for you, if you're happy for you! so on the end i hope everybody will be happy and everything will turn out the way it should!
as for me..i couldn't be happier as i already am with my Aleš. he's the sweetest man i've ever had. and i'm not saying this because we are currently together, but because i really mean it. things are the way they should be and they function and there's no stress or anything, it's just pure co-existence, enjoinment of each others presence, the touch, the smell and the feelings that burst out when we're around one another. so i let the thing be as they are and follow them as they go...or to make it simple... i just flow, i don't push.
a friend told me about this really easy to use and fun programme for making movies. i've spent whole day playing and composing surprise movie for my sweet Tanja. here is the result... i'm so proud of myself!
