i need you

looks like i did it. i've set a new blog of my own. hehe, i keep asking myself why on earth did i do another one, considering i already have one... but people like me need to do new things all the time, otherwise we get bored. so i just spent all day doing this, harder or easier way (it seems that sometimes we don't see things, even though they're in front of our noses). i thank miha again for taking so much time for me and making no progress, but on the end it worked out just fine.

anyways, today started really NOT fine. the shituation is actually still the same shitty lonely feeling. but letting it all out through my tears made me feel better at least for a couple of hours. i miss him, i miss him really bad. and i just keep asking myself how much longer is it going to be happening to us. when will i be able to hug him at the exact moment i will wish for, when will i be able to tell him i love him face to face, to kiss him in the middle of he night cause he's actually gonna be sleeping next to me. every night... not once per month.
the hardest thing is that there is noone to blame. it's not his nor my fault that it is as it is. so it's even harder to live with that. cause you can not change anything, it's not in your power to do so. i want to be strong, for him and for me. i don't want to make the situation worse than it already is.. but it's f**** hard i tell you, and sometimes i just can not hold it anymore. i cry a lot, but i would never choose anyone else but him. he's me.