the end and the beggining, and the end and the beggining

there's a wast diversity of theories about our lives. it is hard for one to decide which one is closest to his understanding of the things around him. i don't yet know which one i prefer, but i i guess some of each. the strongest is the one that we are led by this small group of people who own the worlds knowledge. and that all this massive manipulation is based on knowledge or ignorance on the other side. but nevertheless, i was not intending to talk about this today. i want to talk about deeper things, the ones that are happening inside us.

i had a dream today, it was a two stories dream..the one where you follow two stories at the same time. one was about manipulation and how i bravely discovered that someone is trying to kill me but i was smarter than them, so i elegantly was escaping this people. anyways...that got me thinking about this job i am trying to start. it is risky and i don't fully trust the people, but on the other side i really wanna try.

and the other part of the dream included my ex. that was the hard part. it still makes me feel little strange if i think about it now that i'm already awake. the dreams were strange, cause we were in a place we could never meet now, since our worlds don't cross anymore..but it was so intimate and gentle. i know all this is just a projection of my conciousness, but yet... what if... ah well. he gave me clear and obvious picture that he does not want to maintain any contacts with me on friday when he didn't even show to say hy to me. i think that was more than enough for me to know that he's not a man, but a little child. and children are fine and cute.. but they need to learn many things.


my sweet friend once wrote: after i finished building my ship, the sea water disappeared.