lots of times after my last friday trainning i feel the urge to write something here. i don't know exactly why, but i think the fact that capoeira takes like almost 50% of my life if not more, has something to do with it. it's normal then that there are massive changes inside my mind and body after icome home. it's strong, capoeira i mean. it gets into you, it starts to move your physical and mental edges and makes you explode once in a while. i've seen it happen to me and to others so i believe in it's power. i remember one time at trainning when i rushed out of the gym crying with no special reason. something moved inside me and the tears just came out rushing down my face. and how can you say after that, that capoeira is just a recreation and nothing more. anyways, this is also the first time that i have some really special friends within the group. and yesterday was one of the hardest days we've had together. everything was so emotionally tense that i was so confused, cause i didn't understand what exactly is happening. then i got into a sort of a fight with the professor, which was even more frustrating. i know it's hard to work with him and all, but i hate it if someone is putting blame on someone else, especially cause i didn't have anything to do with the problem but he twisted my words and made it seem i'm the core of the problem that appeared withing the group. it's hurts. so we talked and cried and played capoeira and cried some more and on the end everything ended okay.
the one thing that hurts the most with all this is that my birthday roda was not exactly how it could be. but nevertheless, what it matters is that now we're even better friends and we've hopefully all learned something form all this mess. to tell you the truth i don't know what exactly was the real problem. i was just in the middle of all this mess because i'm the only one that knows portuguese and could translate words. maybe i shouldn't have.
i realised many things whilst my time with jerneja and tanja...and one of them is that i feel like i'm living on a totally different planet. my perception of things is completelly different. so in a way it's good to hang around them so they can give me sight into the dimensions i wouldn't normally fall into. but on the other hand, i like my little bubble that i live in, my little dreamy world of goodness and harmony here everyone is nice to everyone, where everyone respects each other and never argue with noone, where love, peace and harmony are truly the way of living.
i'm a hopeless dreamer...
1 comment:
Ola, Bea!
I just came across your blog, and wanted to say I completely relate to your post-class feelings about capoeira! It definitely takes up about 50% of my life too, time-wise, and probably about 70% mentally, and I always feel completely happy and energetic right after every class, no matter how dead or tired I was at the start of class. (Although, I'm sure all the endorphins help, too. :P)
I can also feel something inside me before class, especially if I'm doing something boring during the day, it's like something (excitement, anticipation, impatience...) is building up and building up inside of me all day until it's on the edge of explosion and it doesn't get released until I step into the training room.
I'm sorry to hear you got caught in the middle of capoeira drama/politics, and it sounds like you got the brunt of it as well, but I'm glad it ended in all of you becoming closer rather than the alternative.
I also wanted to say that I think it's a really good thing you value your own "dream world", because without that perspective you'd just fall into dreary cynicism like the rest of us! ^^" At least this way, keeping your own view of things while being exposed to your friends', you get balance. =)
Muito Axé!
-Joaninha
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