all the capoeira happening that is going on lately makes me realise more and more, that where i stand is the best position i could possibly be at. don't get me wrong, nothing is perfect and there are million things to do and to worry about...but suma sumarum...i'm climbing up a steep mountain and i know the mountain will not collapse cause it's strong. cause what i get at the top is more i could probably swallow. there are million possibilities of where i could go, what i could do... but i've come to the conclusion that, why search for capoeira outside, if i still have so much to learn where i am now. there'sno need in being so hasty and unpatient, the only thing i have to have is determination and will of doing this beautiful art of moving.
so, i'm only my diploma away from the beggining of my other half of life. that's what i call it at least. i still have no idea of what i wanna do, but i'm really optimistic about it actually now that i think about it again. i won't close my possibilities in any of the paths i'm walking on currently... cause i like to walk them all. i could teach capoeira, i could work as a landscape architect, i could go and do a license for a turist guide, i could become a journalist... so among all these posssibilities you can see it's really not easy to pick just one, cause they're all tempting and dinamic.
my friends are all moving on their own...well, they're lucky enough to have rich daddies that are able to give them apartments, i'm really happy for them cause i know how hard it is to get something like that if you're just an average citizen...but it also worries me cause when he time comes for me... don't have any idea of what will happen to me. well, i guess i will just leave this heavy thoughts for later and now rejoy with the ones who are lucky.
so i guess we are in those years when our friendz start to get married and have children! i'm scared... and it's not because it means we're getting older, but because i personally have no inner desire to start thinking about those things and it scares me that the surroundings will make me do it. i still feel like a teenager. and it's not that i'm not ready to take responsibility for something like a marriage or a child, but i think it's certainly not the time yet. but then again, our lives are different. anyways, i was thinking..i ike anja...she's my kind of girl...i think my life would look like her's when i start living with a guy. no desire to marry or to have kids...as if i don't have other things that preocupy my mind, who needs marriage and annoying little creature running around the house. hehe...i know some of you may disagree now, but hey, that's my current opinion, i never said i will not change my mind. since my life is full of situations that i was always saying, will never happen to me. if i learned one thing in life is that you should never say never! because you never know...heheh!
anyways, alenka is pregnant for about three months. when i found out she is, i was happy for her and all..of course, but on the other side really surprised. cause she was always on my side of he world. but as i said..you never know what life brings you. can you imagine that after that, i was dreaming about ME being pregnant and it was really scary. and even in my dreams i didn't want to be pregnant. i know a lot of you probably don't understand me, but i am scared the hell out of pregnancy. i can't imagine something growing inside of me, moving all over my belly and kicking. it is disgusting. i'm sorry, i can't help it.and the after i kinda accept that alenka is having a child, Alja invites me to her last single party! as if i didn't have enough of surprises! ehehe so, we had a party, a damn good one! i think she really enjoyed it, and so did we. we made her do really stupid and funny stuff. but i can't tell, cause men are not supossed to know about what is going on at these parties! ;) so, farewell Alja...i wish you a great marriage and i wish it would last till the rest of your life..for real! i'm so happy for you, if you're happy for you! so on the end i hope everybody will be happy and everything will turn out the way it should!
as for me..i couldn't be happier as i already am with my Aleš. he's the sweetest man i've ever had. and i'm not saying this because we are currently together, but because i really mean it. things are the way they should be and they function and there's no stress or anything, it's just pure co-existence, enjoinment of each others presence, the touch, the smell and the feelings that burst out when we're around one another. so i let the thing be as they are and follow them as they go...or to make it simple... i just flow, i don't push.
a friend told me about this really easy to use and fun programme for making movies. i've spent whole day playing and composing surprise movie for my sweet Tanja. here is the result... i'm so proud of myself!
sometimes it's good to write a certain periodical dairy so that you can monitor your emotional development. i usually write when my emotional state is slightly out of balance...in a good or a bad way. i am either happy and full of energy or pesimistic and sad. when i'm balanced i can't write, i'm little boring in that condition actually.anyways, what is my emotional condition this time is the next question. it's pesimistic and bad. full of worries and negative thoughts. and what's interesting here is, that my state can actually be wiewed from different point of wiew and it does not bring the same picture at all. as far as i'm concerned everything's bullshit at the moment, but Tanja showed me that it is not. so what will it be? i think i'll go with the sunny version and try not to be over runned with the rotten pesimism of this shitty day.
i was lost,but now i'm found, i was in a bad juju, but now i'm fine =) that's how the story goes,up and down and up again. at the moment it's rising from the valley of the shadow of death...(remember the famous song from the movie?)... well, it wasn't so bad, but i can't seem to overlook the fact that my headaches are the consequence of the stress i've been under lately. indeed a wierd thing, this new age stress! what is it anyway? newly invented state of mind, some already call it a disease. clinically treated and all... rather scaring ain't it? as if we already don't have enough stuff messing up our lives.
you wanna know what i think? i know you don't..but it's my blog remember?..so i'll said it anyway... i think we all just need a little more loving and well do just fine!
another good juju is rising upon the sunny side of my life. i hopefully finally wll start to teach children capoeira. tomorrow i'm off to set the final stuff at the loca school and then all i need is kids to come running to my classes! and i'm the master of disaster..hehe! well, i already have to members...but i don't know if that counts since one of them is my best friend and the other my boyfriend! LOL
anyways, keep the fingers crossed that everything goes well! and if you know anyone that would be interested, please do give him a notice.
tata
na jetra grem sama seb..to pa je bed đuđu a ne?! kaj si morjo šele drugi mislt pol... no sj ni važn, sm lih zanč alešu razlagala kako je to, kar drugi mislijo o tebi samo njihova stvar. ampak sj kle res ni važn, kaj si mislijo... ker se tut nimam časa z drugimi ukvarjat, če nimam niti tok moči, da bi poštimala svoje podstrešje. šakalakaboom! verjetno bom enkrat kar zginla in me ne bo noben najdu. pol bom pa pršla nazaj. =)to je pa tut vse kar sm hotla povedat.
