advice

i love moments of revelation...as i've just had one, i am inspired to share it with you! many people would like to lose weight right?

so, today my friendz i would like to share my experience and give 'advice' how to lose weight:
1. move from your parents house
2. change your way of eating (no more mothers kitchen, only toast and soya milk)
3. if you're broke don't eat (maybe a soup per day)
4. your boyfriend must dump you so that you feel really bad and you really don't feel like eating at all
5. try to have a very stressfull job
6. along with stressfull job try having a thing you must do after work and takes a lot of your energy (such as graduation thesis to finish)
7. and of course you should be worried all the time, how will you pay your bills and your food, since your company is not giving you regular salary
8. and beside all this, you should exercise regularly (at least half an hour per day)

you see, it is not easy to lose weight, are you still sure you want to go through all this??...so just try to be happy with yourself and making everyday a better day for you, with little things!!

''Go to the farthest edge of the farthest edge so that I may know myself in my fullness.''

''We have come to know ourselves not by how we perceive ourselves in relationship to that which is around us, but instead have learned to perceive our relationship to all that is around us based on what those around us think of us. ''

''The Shift we have all been waiting for has now arrived and is rapidly expanding within, through and around each of us. It is in the process of changing everything that we know and more particularly how we know and how we experience what we know.''

today i was inspired by these three sentences. Everyday is a new experience. and all this talk about changes there, changes here is actually becoming my reality. i try so hard to understand everything that's going on around me and especially the purpose of it all...sometimes too hard. i often have to remind myself i shouldn't be so impatient, which i know is one of my weakness. that is also why i give up on many things if i don't get the reults as fast as i would want to. but i know this time i have to hold on to my path, my research, my seeking. because it is now too obvious that what is happening to me is all just a tiny part of a bigger picture which i now don't yet see and understand. anyways, what i wanted to say is that i stopped digging a hole in the sand and went forward seeking for the end of the desert. it's still a struggle, but at least i know who i am struggling with and why. it is myself and i struggle to understand what i've came here to learn.

dip into the deep

who really knows me, who is the person that knows the most inner me? all the ideas i have, dreams i have, how i think, how i react, how i feel? sometimes all i see around me, are strangers. among my friends even i sometimes don't feel the connection. it's frightening and yet misteriously amusing...all the secret me that's hiding inside and nobody really knows.
i am so hurt aright now, so fucked up and sad as i don't think i ever was in my entire life. and with all this, i also feel the loneliest person ever. as if there is a vast desert all around me, and everywhere i look i just see thirsty trees and rocks. and as my arms are digging the sand to find water, i just fall deeper and deeper. i probably should stop digging, but it seems as if there is no point if i do it or not. nothing seems to change. and i am not feeling strong enough to keep walking and move on to another spot, i ran out of energy for making steps.

i wonder how deep is the desert?

fold the past

the most amazing thing happened today. i'm still not sure what to think about it, but i just had to write a post about it. anyways here's what happened. i'm going through some rough times right now and i was thinking i need to re-focus my interests in order to get over my ex-boyfriend and other wierd bad stuff. just out of nowhere these funny idea came to my mind today that i will start to fold origami. it is a creative and interactive thing, and it also gets your whole attention. it's perfect i thought!
so i googled it and found some basic diagrams with nice video tutorials to go with it. at first i had some troubles, but then i started to enjoy it very much and i can now proudly announce i have some 10 cranes decorating my living room.
in the meanwhile i was thinking i can download some movies for the evening. so i went and searched. didn't really have any idea what movies i could watch, so i just downloaded several without knowing if they're any good.
okay, that's nothing unusual i know. before that in the afternoon i watched this movie that was exactly about what i am going through right now and i was thinking to myself...haha Maja, do you see any resemblence with the guy in the movie!??? god damn i did! and i felt pathetic and sympathetic at the same time. on the end there was a 'moral teaching' that said there is no faith there are just meere coincidences...
so, here we go back to the origami part. once i've went to bed starting to watch a movie, i was really dissapointed, because out of 5 movies, only the 5th one was watchable..and guess what it was about!????? ORIGAMI!!!
meere coincidence...i don't know what to think about it, but i find it really funny and amazing!

religioulos...

i decided i'll become Shinotist...but then i realised i already am one, without knowing....well, except for the funny wardrobe and umbrellas.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinto

http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2056.html

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/shinto/

the way, my way

i'm sitting here in my little safe bee hive i now call home. all is quiet and the scent of vannila is spreading through my nostrils. today i am sad. but i think i did the bravest thing. i will probably regret it couple of times, before my heart calms down and start to beat on his own, but i had to do it for the sake of myself and selfrespect. so, i'm on my own again. scared as hell...but determined to survive in this jungle.
past month i was playing a lot of loud music while staying home alone. it is so true when people say that chaos and loud voices around us, distract us from hearing what is going on inside us. and when the music stops and you hear your heart beat...you just wish you weren't there. but the thing is, that you can't escape anywhere...cause it's you that's bleeding.

and now after all this december craziness, i am ready to hear the silence and listen to what it has to say to me. i am ready to find my way back to me.