how would you call me? lazy, tired,negative? even i don't know what's going on with me. i used to be more 'organized'... but lately, i have my moments when i just can not do the things i don't feel like doing. i'm afraid that it will all come back to me eventually, but maybe that's just me. in a way i know it's not wrong to follow your feeling and do things in life that make you feel nice and avoid those that make you feel bad or annoying=) but i always have a morality questions in my mind if i don't do something i supossably should.
i think since i've watched that movie The secret i'm intentionally trying to force myself in doing all that 'positive' thinking... but it's not going well, cause i'm trying too hard. hehe! how stupid can i be sometimes... ah well!
anywas, i'm off to stuff i have to do today. i hope i will manage to get in a better mood eventually.
happiness is a state of mind, happiness is a state of mind, happinessisastateofmind....ommmmmmmmmm =)
i just watchd a movie called The secret. it is a good movie. it is a movie that one might not like because of it's documentary shape and because of the fact that talks about how to live a better life.
but let us think why should one not like to hear how to live a beeter life? because he obviously is happy with his own life OR because he's stupid?! =)
no, seriously... i realised that i am already half way there. i already act with some of the principles of what they call it The secret. it is indeed true, that we are made of energy. and we all read the book The little prince. well, we all then remember the famous sentence : if you wish for something very strong, the universe will help you achieve it. and that's what the movie is all about. what you THINK! thoughts are energy and this energy is projected into the universe and the law of atraction is atracting what we wish for. so i'm just gonna start right here and right now.. to work on thinking what i really want and i'll get it! =)
http://www.thesecret.tv/
world is a nice place...
lately i keep discovering i idealise people and places. i guess i believe world is a nice and good place. and it can be. why should i be all miserable if nothing is always right.. and believe me i know also the bad side of it. but no, I DO believe in good. and i always go back to it.
why did i start to write about this? i was just watching a movie called Turistas. it's about american tourists in Brasil. Brasil is for me terra promitida ( promise land)... but it's not really all that shinny and glamorous i know. but if you look at things this way..well, we better not move, otherwise we might get hit by bus!! i don't like the idea that when i go to brasil, something dangerous might happen to me. i didn't like aspect of that brasil that was shown in the movie. but then again i also don't like tourists that travel places and act like tourists. hehe, if you know what i mean!
anyways... i do idealise things, but don't let that fool you... inside this little head of mine, there are some very grounded and realistic brains.
and before i lose myself in my phylosophic moments... i have to tell you the best thing that happened to me yesterday. again it was one of those glorious moments when i managed to do a new capoeira move! weeee.... =) =) =)
i was proud of myself, again!
rise people, rise... vida esta boa quando voces querem!
and then a new day comes and takes you into new experiences and new trips. so yu forget how miserable you were previous day. it's good, no? yes,it's okay.. cause the worst thing is to be caught in a moment, especially if it's a bad one.
anyways, i feel better.. thanks for asking =)
i am always happyto spend some time with g0g0. he is so smart. he knows a lot of things i would probably never learned about, if there wasn't for him. and i enjoy being with him, cause he's funny and we get along fine, a lot of times noone else around understands our jokes.. but that's okay!
now i'm off to aninas place, she invited me for lunch. mmmm.. some fine home made chinese lunch. and in the evening at last capoeira... again! weeee...
did i tell you... i've announced my leaving of theatre.i decided that i should focus on less things in my life and i decided for capoeira. on the end of this season i'm probably leaving both theatre groups. i don't know if it's for good or not, but i definetly need some time to think about it. i feeel sad and relieved at once. sad because i'm afraid i will soon get bored with only capoeira beside studies and relieved because i'll have more time that i'll be able to spend for spontaneous things. this week so many events are taking place, but i can't go to any of them, because all my evenings are booked this or the other way. and i'm wondering if that's good or bad.
well, as i said ... keep the groove inside your heart!!
looks like i did it. i've set a new blog of my own. hehe, i keep asking myself why on earth did i do another one, considering i already have one... but people like me need to do new things all the time, otherwise we get bored. so i just spent all day doing this, harder or easier way (it seems that sometimes we don't see things, even though they're in front of our noses). i thank miha again for taking so much time for me and making no progress, but on the end it worked out just fine.
anyways, today started really NOT fine. the shituation is actually still the same shitty lonely feeling. but letting it all out through my tears made me feel better at least for a couple of hours. i miss him, i miss him really bad. and i just keep asking myself how much longer is it going to be happening to us. when will i be able to hug him at the exact moment i will wish for, when will i be able to tell him i love him face to face, to kiss him in the middle of he night cause he's actually gonna be sleeping next to me. every night... not once per month.
the hardest thing is that there is noone to blame. it's not his nor my fault that it is as it is. so it's even harder to live with that. cause you can not change anything, it's not in your power to do so. i want to be strong, for him and for me. i don't want to make the situation worse than it already is.. but it's f**** hard i tell you, and sometimes i just can not hold it anymore. i cry a lot, but i would never choose anyone else but him. he's me.
let me introduce you to myself...NOT! because firstly i'll have to introduce me to myself =)
thanks god i have a lifetime to do it.
