never say forever

i'm confused and i'm hurt but on the other hand i'm glad this endless waitting is over. i like my life to be clear, i don't mean that you have to schedule every moment of it, but if you say something, for that thing to actually be done. i need security, to know that i can count on someone in times of need. i am a lioness, strong and confident woman, but underneath all that there is a maja which needs a tender touch and safe arm. it's just that.
i was often wondering if i expect too much, cause i know the meaning of freedom, and i don't want to take it from anyone, but i've come to a conclusion that it's not my fault that some people can not give me what i need. i believe that everything can be solved by talking about it and finding a reasonable solution, but it needs all sides to cooperate. so if one is not putting any effort in making things better, well there is no point i guess. i know i will need more time, but that's okay. my life is not over. once i thought there is no life if i stay alone after this relationship, i couldn't imagine that... i never believed that it would come to this. but look at me now... it happened. so all that is left is either to suffer till the end of times, or trying to accept the fact and go on. and i guess that's what i'm trying to do here.

everything i need

i can still laugh. and i can still do things with positive vibe. and i can still say that love makes the world go on. and i can say that i have some darn good friends around me.

we were in croatia for 3 days. it's a short break, but it made me feel allright. and you know why? cause we were singing all the songs that we could think of with a guitar in the middle of the night around the neighbourhood, then went to the camp illegaly of course and lay on the beach, counting stars with my head down the hill... cause we played silly drinking games and even recorded ouselves.
cause we spend one evening talking about galaxies and sun, just making things we didn't know, up... and i spend 2 hours talking about Sabin without any bad feeling or anger or sadness.. and Severa was next to me.. listening and paying attention to every single word i said.
that's why, i can still laugh and be positive. i'm allright.

after

after almost 1 month of kinda getting used to single life, it's all coming back to me. i thought it would, but i was kind of hoping it wouldn't. i was asking myself how long you need to get over a person yu broke up with? but the more i think and write about it, the more i come to a conclusion that it's not getting over a person but accepting the life as it goes. it happened, so crying about it won't bring me satisfaction, not in the longterm. of course tears have to be cried out there's no doubt about it, but i'm afraid i'm gonna miss something important if i cry too much.. like my life for example!=) so i try to go on... trying to accept the idea of being alone. i'm floating somewhere at the moment... maybe in the clouds, jumping from one flash to another.. but it just seems the right thing to do in this moment. so this is it... respect yourself! respect others!

coffee and lavanda

i had 3 coffees today, 1 thai lunch, one štrudl that my mom made and almost 24hours of positive vibes around me, our lawn looks really nice now that i cut the grass, and my room smells nice, cause i picked some lavandula and put it on my desk. i would call this a good day, wouldn't you? this is one way of how you can look at it. the other is.... i had to get up early again, cause our car is still not fine and i had to take it to the service. i had only 5euros which i spend for coffee, even though i know i still have to pay my phone bill. i had to cut the lawn in our garden and then i had dirty feet which i know it won't go off for 2 more days. i broke my nails and i have a blister now. everytime i looked to the mirror i saw how badly i need a haircut.
so which version of my day would you pick? i decided to go with the first one. much more enjoyable and pleasant to finish a day with. =))