kachiiing!!

Patricia and me

you know how sometimes you have like only one thought in your head, and yometimes there is a huge amount of ideas, thoughts and feeling floating down your mind? well, at the moment i'm in the second state. so many things i need to understand, analyze, ask...

i had a car accident on sunday. but this was only one of the group of things that happened. it was al connected with my state of mind last few days. i already told you about sme in my previous post. and then i was talking to Ubaldo and he also reminded me yesterday, that all this things were all connected and that i have to be carefull. i know that, but i just haven't figure out what is wrong, what is leading me to all of this.

my dreams tell me it's mostly the thing of the heart. i am always dreaming about Sabin. even today i did. and it was a wierd dream, cause he was acting as if we are together again and calling me the love of my life. why? i don't get it. is it the projection ofmy sub conciousnes, or is it because of the things people are saying to me about him. i'm confused and angry. and then like from the middle of nowhere i had this dream about the portuguese guy from the trainnings yesterday. i was with him in Lisbon. so now i don't understand anything anymore.

and i'm worried about Patricia, i wish to be by her side so much, but we are so far away. i feel she needs me now, more than ever. i feel so helpless, but at least she is telling me what's happening, so that i feel i'm not losing her. i love her so much. i've never felt like this towards a person, it's really special feeling.

and then i was watching David Icke movies again, and he says how we should libearte ourselves and i try to, but with so many things on my mind i have to analyze them all and understand them all in order to evolve and it's so goddamn hard. day has only 24 hours..i guess that's why i even dream about all this, so that i analyze all this stuff in my dreams. uh, i'm telling you..it's hard to be me! =)

and then... i'm asking myself again...why am i even writting all this most intimate stuff here for everyone to read them. oh, right cause i'm not supposed to care what others think about me, cause everyone has the right to think and feel whatever he does. and to show people it's not so hard to reveal yourself. afterall i am in lot of shit at the moment, so how could i even go any deeper! =) ehehe, just joking!

so, what's on my weekly agenda for this week:
1. liberate yourself!
2. liberate yourself!
3. break the eggshell, and liberate yourself!
4. ...................................................................................................................................................................