Sunday, 19 September 2010
cry me a river
i know why my current experiences are important, my mind knows it all. but yet i feel so helpless, i hate this feeling. it's like as if i have no influence of whatsoever upon what is happening to me right now. and i'mnot even capable of just letting go and surrender, because i think my life is going to slip away, to fall apart. but i also in a way want it to fall apart i guess. because i want to see what happens when you have nothing, you are not attached to anything, anyone and all you care about is not carring cause it's the only way of freeing yourself. but the more i try, the more attached i get i think. i mean i wanted just to go with the flow to see what time brings...but i think i'm losing control over what i want to have control over the most, my feelings.
i hope that the changes that are waiting for me in these 2 weeks will really bring me something to hope for, because i feel that it can either bring me down to the ground zero...or i can get lifted and start floating in unlimited zone of my own reality.
few days ago i've realised that we should be afraid of people that don't cry. i never understood people who don't cry, but now i know i don't want to be close to anyone that can not cry. and i'm not saying that because i used o cry a lot, more than i do now. i'm saying it because i know tears do help, they don't help you solve the problem...but that is not always the point. tears help you survive and heal your feelings. the solution in the manifestation,but the tears are more important on emotional level. i'm not saying we should cry like rivers all the time, but when the big heavy ball inside your chest is so big it hurts, you have to let it out first and then continue to think about resolving the problem.
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