i once said to the guy that was the love of my life, years after we broke up, that i'm so happy that i've met him, because now i don't go walking around the world searching for love of my life anymore as many lost souls around me do. and by that i don't mean, that my soul is not lost or anything, because the way i see life now is so much different than back then...but i wanted to use this analogy to point out the relation between a wish, a desire and dettachment from it. when we desire something and we are eager for something, it almost always flows away. that is, if our desire is too strong. that is also why many people don't meet so called 'love of their lives'...because they are always in search for it. you wanna know where i've met him...on a fucking train to Belgrade, travelling to Turkey on my own. never would have expected it, THAT'S WHY it hit me there in that moment. i won't go into details why and when it all started to go wrong, but i can surely tell you from my point it was because i got too attached to him. again...attachment, desire.
i once thought i have so much love inside me, nobody on this earth could bare and on the end it came true, always. too much of everything...and the forces had to balance that in someway...so they pulled the object of desire away, to balance me. i know now, that matter can not exist if there is no antimatter...it simply can't. and the energy doesn't think whether something is good or bad for us, the energy just seeks balance, and where there is a situation of unbalanced energies, it simply has to act. nothing personal, just balance! ;)
today, i have no expectations of whatsoever from this guy anymore, and he came back into my life. i believe we truly are very much alike, but i'm not attached to the idea, that's why i can keep him around i guess. and if not, that's okay too. that's called being in tune with the flow. i wish i could be in tune like that all the time, but it seems so hard sometimes.