i know i'm supossed to be on vacations, avoiding all this internet s***, but there are really no rules on how vacations should be spend, and if i find certain joy in writing my thoughts down, and if it's on internet..why shouldn't i. i've always been kinda rebelious, so here i am in this wilderness almost in the middle of nowhere with my laptop, writing my blog in this late afternoon.
sun is slowly getting down, the heat is becoming bareable so i can actually breathe normaly, water is my main ingredient that floats down my throat, and i can't think of anything else but how much i wanna be with him. i'm here for 2 days now and i already (or still) miss him.
thanks god for modern technology so that i can at least hear his voice on skype. yesterday we had really nice conversation, i feel that i can talk to him about anything, and tell him just about anything that comes to my mind. i don't know if it's just me that changed since my last relationship, but i'm sure it's also him that makes me feel this way. yesterday before i feel asleep i was thinking about all of this and i kinda realised that what i feel now is this pure essence of love. i think...what else could make me feel so euphoric and calm at the same time, and make me wanna spend all my time with him and tell him about every little and stupid thing that happens to me.
but here i am, spreading all this 'smart' theories about what i feel...when they have been already told. an i'll tell you another theory, always give a tittle of the post on the end cause you never know what sh** will come out on the end... =)
maria estava chorando,
porque seu amor foi embora,
maria estava chorando,
porque seu amor foi embora,
foi la pra beira do cais,
jogar capoeira de angola...
only that this time it's the opposite... he stayed and i went to the beira do cais ;)
there is a sunflower on my desk, bringing sunshine to my life. i got it from a person that is currently number one for me. meanning that i'm in love with him. and it's funny, because things i say i will never do or will happen to me, ALWAYS happen! and this time the murphy guy wanted me to fall in love with a guy from my capoeira group. i still dont believe it, and i'm taking it day by day, moment by moment because it's like floating in seven heaven. there's this totally nice guy, sexy as hell, kind and warm...plus he's doing capoeira which is ''only'' my favourite thing in life...and he's in love with me! i mean...how lucky am i? at the moment i think i'm the luckiest woman on this earth!! let it be this way....
what's love got to do, got to do with it... you know the song? of course, who doesn't. and it's a question of the day... is it finally the moment that this crazy bee is starting to fall in love after all this time? is it? does love has anything to do with it? is it just a crazy dream, momentum of summer haze, too much vitamin D and happy hormone, too much love movies? i don't know... but i'll tell you this... i feel like in high school. i haven't have had this kind of situation since ages ago. it's refreshing and totally nice and i wanna just keep it happening, until it will last. cause after that i don't have any idea where it may bring me.
let it be, let it be...speaking words of freedom, let it be... i like my version better!
i love those little tinny butterflies in my stomach that are coming back after long time.
i have a secret. it's almost too big to display it here so i'll rather keep it for myself for a while i think. it's a nice secret, a sweet one, one that i haven't had for quite some time now. and i'm jealous of sharing it now.we were in milano this weekend, it was a capoeira thing of course. and it was one of my hardest weekends ever... i don't think i was ever so exhausted, mentally and physicaly. jerneja actually congratulated me for being in such a mood, meanning noone is used to me being like that.i'm still thinking about it, why was i like that anyway. i have had many sleepless nights with school or a job next day...but i don't remember having such struggles inside me. i guess a big part of it was the contribution of me being the only portuguese speaking slovene and i automatically was translating every word. and not just on trainnings, but then also everytime someone wanted to speak to Alegria, or Alegria talking to any of them. i was in constant contact with humans... i was outrageously nervous!! i remember craving for a hug from someone, saying it's okay just calm down. my feelings about this event are so mixed i can't decide. i have had a good time, and i have had bad times, i have had revelations and i have had hardest moments of anger and most beautiful moments of happiness and love...all together...wierd sensation indeed. i guess i liked it all, exactly because of that... the rainbow of feelings that i had to face.saudade năo é hóje,saudade năo é agora,sauade é amanha,quando meu mestre foi se embora....
you know what i realised...that we are truly obsessed with capoeira. and there is almost no chance NOT to be, cause if you're not really into it, than you don't do it. and how did i come to this conclusion? simple... we were having a party for Natasa's and Ana's birthday and what we did all evening, we were playing video clips from our batizado and put cd on repeat mode. OMG!lolokay, we were not like staring at the screen all the time, but just the fact that we actually spent 80% of our time talking about capoeira, sometimes scares me!are my lattest posts really boring for the people that don't do capoeira? i guess so. but then again, it's my blog, so i get to write anything I want, right!? seriously, i could refresh it with some other news from my so called social life..if there is any left beside capoeira life!haha!i am just healing my yesterdays hangover and i was watching this movie that was talking about life and love and the meanning of fulfilled life..what does it mean. nothing big actually. it's wierd to say, that fulfilled life is nothing big, but you can look at it this way too. it's life, nothing else.maybe hangovers are not the best moments to be writting abut this stuff, but even these are a part of life. they're not really fulfilling, but as i've come to this lots of times in my life, if there wouldn't be bad moments in our lives, than we would not appreciate the good ones either. there is always ying and yang, black or white, good and bad marching side by side. that how it is.and there is my relationship with Jure. it's something i have never experienced before. well, it's like totally different from what i had with S, but i'm not mourning anymore for the lost and gone. i believe S was the thing that you experience once or twice in your life, but it doesn't last. you never forget it, but it can't last. and with jure on the other hand is the thing that can last. i'm not in love, but i didn't expect me to be. being in love with S fulfilled me, and i am now almost in harmony with my innerself i could say. i don't know if this is the best way to put it, but let it be.watching this movie today was the first time after we broke up with S, that i missed being in love. it was a wierd feeling, and i didn't like it at all. cause until now i was kind of okay and satysfied, and in a certain moment i felt this anoying feeling of needing something, missing something. and i'll definetly try to avoid it in the future you can be sure of that. as i've learned in my life is that happiness is a state of mind and nobody else but me is responsible for my own happiness.
it's getting hot outside. i mean it's normal and everything, it's just that with this heat it's unbearable to live in the city. it's not even july yet and i'm starting to get unpatient..i miss Rab. where is that 4th of august..pff!
we started to have trainnings in Tivoli. i mean not oficially, but during the weekend we get together with capoeristas and train. it funny, cause Batata is now acting different since i have higher graduation than him now. but i don't feel it anyway, i still respect him. yesterday in Tivoli he was leading the trainning and i was admiring him, how much he knows. it made me think, how many things are there that i have to learn. and i realised that graduation of your belt certainly doesn't reflect your knowledge.
and i was observing others during the trainning. it was so nice to see, how we respect each other. and if Batata is leading the excercise, then we all have to listen and follow. and that's the way it should be. and i'm scared if one day i'll have to be the one doing that. cause i'm not feeling as i'm capable of doing that. i mean it's different to work with children as i'm used to that.
and there was a special moment when i was doing some excercise with one of the capoeristas. we didn't talk, but i was feeling so happy and there was this really nice energy between us. capoeira is indeed non-verbal comunication between two people. imagine how strong is that. much more, than some loud words that can be easily lost in the wind.
estou feliz, nada mim falta.
so, we kinda closed the year around with capoeira. i said kind of..because it never ends of course. there were first years of capoeira in slovenija where e finished our trainnings after batizado and all fell asleep during the summer. it was hard coming back believe me. but we're getting better and better and we have better organisation, more enthusiasm and more energy to do capoeira from dusk till dawn as to speak. batizado passed. some people are dissapointed, some are thrilled...how are my feelings? well, i was thinking, why i don't feel that enthusiasm as i used to. but then i realised it doesn't matter, i had a great time even though for me it didn't seem as batizado, at least not as my first one. but then again, how could it feel. i guess also my involvement in capoeira world has a lot to do with it. i live inside this society for 4 years already and in the last year with a really strong attachement. i wonder how professor must feel about batizado, for him it must be even harder than for the ones that are to be baptised. 
but nevertheless, it was greeeeat! as i said yesterday when we were talking about our impressions about the event...i enjoy the most the social side of these kind of events. driving in the same car for 3 days, getting to know each other, sleeping in the same room, taking breakfast together, trainning together, having great time in general..all this makes me feel so happy, because around me there are magnificent people that always put a smile on my face. 
and now, that it's over... well, for us it began...if it ever ended...imagine roda..a circle..how can it end..it just goes on, and on, and on, and on...into forever.
