today is a quiet day. my obstacles seem so clear at this moment. and they are that i want to go. i no longer wish to stay here in the environment i am at the moment. yesterday i realised how free one must feel when one loses the feeling of guilt, of owing something to others, of not being good enough...and just listens to himself and does what feels right for him, only him. i know there are always 3 truths...our own truth, truth of the other and The Truth, but we must surely always follow our own for it is our path and we have to follow in order to gain the experience we have come here to experience and then luckily learn from it with as little suffering as possible.
Sometimes I think people around me are far more advanced than I am, but the next moment i change my mind. I am struggling with this doubt all the time. but by the end of the day I say to myself, what does it matter where others are, or aren't..I mean really? how does it help me? I just think it's good to always leave the possibilities open and never dogmatically determine the surroundings you live in for you can miss something important for yourself. I just finally want to stop feeling guilty because of all these feeling I keep inside me. I think I unconciously told myself that I should no longer feel love towards certain people for it is not safe, and then I said I shouldn't feel angry, and sad and resentful...all these restrictions I've made for MYSELF just pushed me into some strange darkness of my own limitations and they are keeping me inside and I feel like I'm caught inside myself unable to breathe with ease. but now I realised all this is just a product of my own ideas and limiations and it is only me that can liberate myself from them. and that's great...cause I am my own maker, my own god.
make peace with yourself and wrap yourself with unconditional love...for that is the true meanning of your life.
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