small is big, and big is small

today my pain body arose from within me. i think it already was preparing since yesterday but i didn't let it! i'm having insomnia again so i am weak and easily my mood can change. so therefore i am fully attent of what's going on inside me.
i realised something this very moment. i am open like a book to anyone that wants to read me. i've read somewhere that when you fully open yourself and show all your strenght and weakness, nothing can hurt you anymore. i believe that, so i have no problem in writting these posts here. but i know a lot of people do. they hide themselves behind masks of various types and forms. someone said to me, i can as might as well hide behind mine if i want...but i think he was wrong. it doesn't matter anyways, because nothing is really important. yesterday my capoeira mestre said a thing to me, that made me laugh. he said i should be ashamed of not participating in various events, because i think they are not important. hahaha, and i was thinking to myself...oh, how right you are mestre, nothing really IS important and the least my participation there. but how could he even know that, capoeira is his life, his daily meditation, his bread and his breath..his ego feeds on that. i really love him so much. and i also know why, because the more i'm coming at peace with myself, the less important his presence and that of others is becoming. because i do not let the collective conciousness deceive my real being. it just is as it is.

and one of the important lessons today besides staying consciouss about pain body rising was that i have to practice what i learn on little things. because it's easier and i can then easier overcome failures that come now and then. i was always trying to master what i read on biggest issues i momentarily have...and of course i failed at times. and failure consequently takes the enthusiasm away and energy...and then we all know what happens....kachiiing, the ego comes back and the voices in your head start controlling you ;)

well, as for my last thought today i will just finish with....rammmmm da.