i'm fine thank you

i feel.. hm, have you ever noticed i write about how i feel. why is that? why on earth would i share my feelings? i have no idea. why do i feel better after i write a blog? as if anything changes with that...it's the same as crying. i always feel kinda better after a good cry, but it's stupid cause nothing is different. you know what i mean... like as if you would get back together with a boy after cry, and as if your white sweater will turn back to white after your mother has colored it to pink and as if the war will end after you stop crying. it won't! but yet we do cry and always will...cause just like after every storm there's a sunny day, there always comes a smile on your face after a good cry.
and we do it spontaneoulsy so i guess it's natural. a baby tells you something is wrong with crying so crying is obviously the most natural thing.
but why am i talking about crying now? i'm not crying at the moment, don't get me wrong. i am most happy and almost carelless. it feels kinda privilege. watching people around you being sad, having problems, crying their hearts out. i see myself in them, but myself as me in a past time. and when i see them suffer, i realise i'm fine. you know...i'm fine.
well, don't get me wrong i'm not really that fine, considering all the bullshit that's going on in my home. but as i learned on my journey '' if you change your thoughts, you then change your feelings'' . and that's how it is.


i'm fine.