be honest WITH YOURSELF

on my way to work i was reading those displays on the buses where they try to 'educate' people or just bomb them with useless informations. anyways, what came to my attention was a news about a book that's talking about 2012 and how all over the world there will be massive changes. i feel these changes already, and i'm really confused about them, but in a way this news i've read today made me feel better and calmed me down. why? because all that i am going through right now, kind of seems to have a higher purpose now and therefore is easier to bare. i don't know, i might be just avoiding the truth and responsibility for my actions and everything that's going on, but if i find it easier to bare...is it a crime?

and another thing. lately i'm thinking a lot about altruism. in past few days i've heard this word quite often and everybody told me, it's not really doing any good to me. so i got a little scared. i don't want to end up, being dissapointed over the worlds conciousness which is obviously not so altrusistic as i thought and hoped it would be. obviously my ideas about how this world goes are way too childish and naive?? or what??
i mean, where do i draw a line between me and the rest of the world? until when do i help people in order not to be egoist, and where do i stop because it's harming me? i don't know the line, and i don't think anybody does. but i know one thing....people are more and more egoistic and it hurts me. and past events that happened to me are only making me more and more dissapointed over the people. my sister told me i shouldn't generalise things. and she's right...but if the people i loved and trusted and thought only good about them, acted the way they did...what am i supossed to do?? who can i trust for never letting me down, for never hurting me that much. i know it's utopic thinking nobody will ever let you down and all, i don't mean that. but in the way that happened with my ex and that biatch. i mean....i really don't know, i really think i will need lots of time to trust someone like that again.
but the promise i made to myself after this is, that all the people that i will have any kind of strange feeling about, or my sixth sense will tell me there is something wrong with this picture girl, i'll just start running. away as far as can! i learned a lesson from this. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR MIND IS SAYING!! you have to be honest WITH YOURSELF! not in that egoistic way not carring about others, but in a way where you are the first and most important teacher of yourself, and everything you need to know, you already know...you just have to be attent to recognise it and trust your inner sense! connect with yourself and you will survive in best possible way. your life has to be pure and honest. i think that is the most important thing everyone should do. and starting from today, i'm oppening my heart and listening to what my innerself has to say and i will let it guide me.