being

I want to share the silence inside me that i've found in the past few weeks. but how does a person share silence, inner peace and all that vastness of life. it is truly almost impossible. but yet i feel it has to be shared. since yesterday i reached certain point in my life, where i don't understand myself anymore, but yet i am calm, cause i know it is okay the way that i feel.
Eckhart Tolle is a great man, great spiritual teacher. i would reccomend his work to anyone. but i know at the same time, that not everyone is ready for what he has to say. and that actually bothers me and worries me, cause i want people to know all about what i know now. how our lives are driven by our ego and we are puppets, unconcious puppets on strings of ego. but that we can also free ourselves from that. i believe that anyone that is ready will find it's way to free himself. but at this point i am also in a great doubt what to do. i will explain what i mean. since i've come to aknowledge that my ex boyfriend has had two girls already after we split up, i've kind of became worried. i don't know why. maybe cause i think i know him and i have a feeling that he is somehow lost himself in this sensless race of life that he gained after we split up. i say gained because that's how i think he thinks. but now, after all that i've been through i watch all his actions from a distance and i am honestly worried about him. i still love him, but not as i did before. and that's why i want to just hold him still and say to him...hey!! stop for a moment and look what you're doing to yourself. it is not the fact that he jumps from one woman to another and all inside a very small group of people that worries me, but the people that he chooses. i know, i have no right to judge others but as i still care about him, i want to tell him something, anything...just to rethink his doings, before he will realise and it will be too late. i feel that he is lost. but at the same time i know he would probably not understand whyt i want to say to him, because i am to him just one of his ex-girlfriends.

why do i want to do that? i don't know. i have no idea. and why i reacted totally different when i realised about one person that is now his girlfriend, and the other that was with him 2 months ago. how is it possible that i freaked out at the first one, and i hugged the other one?? what happened to me? what is going on inside me? all this processes are so deep that i can not understand them. Eckhart said that it's good when one loses himself, meanning not knowing who he or she is...because then you can free yourself from your ego. because you don't identify yourself with forms anymore. is this what's happening to me? i doubt that, because i think i still need more time and that i'm not ready or mature yet..but then again this is au contrare of what he is saying. time is not the issue...actually it is, because you must not wait for something to happen, because it is only now that is happening in this creative moment.

anyways, i started singing again. i am back. and i feel alive. isn't that enough?