i thought i've been through toughest identity crysis when i was in my puberty..but i gues NOT! this one i'm facing with at the moment is so much more important, than what am i gonna wear to Sex pistols concert, cause i wanna look kool in front of all those so called punkers! lol really anoying i must say... i can't seem to get together all the energy for finishing my graduation thesis in shortest time possible. or is it just that i work better and more sufficient if i have deadlines catching me and stealing my breath and peaceful nights!? everytime i come home from work early or if i don't go to work at all, i say to myself... waw, that's great, i'll have more time to work on my thesis..but how does it really end..eh, that's another story! until i'm out i have so much motivation, but the minute i'm sitting in front of my computer and start thinking about it, i crack and i fail! everytime... grrrrr! and my mind is always somewhere miles away from here..months ahead from now..it's hard to work in that condition god damn it! and i have all this glorious ideas of what i could do in my life...but always end up with ''no you have to graduate first!'' sentence flashing out in front of my eyes!! seriously, i've had it with all this bullshit! it has got to stop!
i am not trippin' n this MARCH SNOW!!! and i'm not kidding! it's no fun to have snow in march, after already having these beautiful sunny warm dayz! it's not fair ;)i am sitting home all day, doing nothing useful, except thinking what to do and how to improve the quality of my life. so i kinda decided to maybe try fitness. lol..i know..me and fitness?!?! wtf? but i have this idea in my head for quite some time. i know capoeira gives me a lot and definetly burns a lot of fat inside my body...but what i want to do now is to excercise focused on particular body parts i dislike a bit. hehe! yeah, you know how there is always something that can be improved no matter where, when and what ;)so, i'm checking the offer on internet...but my so called genius ideas are always somehow not so genius on the end...cause if i go to fitness it means i will DEFINETLY not save money for my trip to brasil!!! grrr..i hate it how i always end up with money issue on the end! holly shit! =) lol!so, anyways...i don't know now what to do, but i definetly have to do something, unless i want to die from boredom! haha!
been little absent in past time..it's because my father ''forgot'' to pay the bills!! dohh..ok, that's another theme. let us not go there now. i was intending to write about me. well, no shit! =) where's my head at lately you wanna know? well, here and there..but always at the right place, don't worry. i didn't start to use drugs or went into a religious sect..naah, i don't need that i get high on life and i already have a sect..my capoeira! so you see...everything in order, i'm perfectly normal 25 year old woman! hahaaha! and i do have a great sense of humour!
anyways...what is it that i wanted to write about. it's that i have a new boyfriend and all. and i'm getting kinda used to it. cause it was wierd on the beggining. he was nothing like my ex... totally different universe. i mean, how little it takes to make me feel special and how normal it seems to give all this attention for which i was only aiming but not recieving in my past relationship. but don't worry, don't panic...cause the music keeps me hanging on and on! =)
i'm happy you know. but not just because i have a boyfriend... i'm happy, cause there is simply life going on. and it's okay, everything seems to roll...
the funniest things happen in life. i didn't even imagine it like this. but every single day prepares surprises for me. when you already think you had all the surprises you can get..no, there comes another one right around the corner! hehe! let it be... it's great! and all because i always try to go with the flow... it's worth it believe me guys!
and this special paragraph is dedicated to Špela...i know it's a hard period you're going through right now, i know, i was there just couple of months ago. i wanted to say, i'm always there for you and that i love you moj mali občutljivček =) big hug!!!!!mwwaaah***
i used to think adult world is a well organised place, and everything stands on its place as it was planned.
but the more i observe, the more i'm realising that it is ineed not so. i have clear evidence everywhere i go. rarely anything stands as it should, and if it does, they call it success. so, now do you get my point?
we all have ideas, since our childhood we dream bout this, about that...but by growing older we do not get the default guarantee that our ideas are going to be realised. grownups just think that cause they feel more important, but it's not true. simple as that!
my life is sort of a mess rigt now, but not in a bad way, i call it a mess, cause i have so many ideas and so much energy, but can not organise all of the stuff for all of them to function. the problem here is, that because of that the progress is slow. and i hate slow progress when i'm in the change mode =) i want things to change, to move on...
stop that train, I'm leavin...
i'm in post party moral dilema.
or maybe not.what is post party moral dilema anyway? there was once said after every orgasm there is post orgasmic emptiness...i guess this is what it appears to be my current condition. but luckily it only last for a little while, tomorrow i'll be fine, already taking over the world with charged batteries of my sweet innocent life =)
something happened to me yesterday, i still can not define what, but i sense little tinny moments of what it appears to be a great emotional revelation. I AM ME, I AM FREE!!
i'm meditating..in portuguese.this language makes me raise my heartbeat. so i listen to the music and i'm learning the lyrics, just so, to get high on the vibrations of the language. some lyrics are funny and ridiculous as in any language, but portuguese just makes them seem so positive and energetic. nevertheless it's good also for my communication with professor of capoeira. so, as we say in slovenia...i kill two flies at once =)and i'm back on track with my diploma. i had a certain fall off, as for example in electricity when you can lose it for a while..heheh! i lost it for a while.i'm worried about my dying plants. every morning when i wake up i stare at them, watch them getting all dry. and i know it's not because i don't take good care of them, but because of this fucked up microclimate in our house. aaarhg, i can't wait for spring to come, i've had it with winter!meu sonho é de voçe,desejo muito te ver,eu só queria entender,se a quele beijo valeu,confio em meu coraçăo,quero viver com emoçăo,sem medo de te perde,poder ficar com voçe...quando sonhos bons,tantas noites lindas,mim guardei só mente pra voçe...
