s.h.i.t.

i've had a long day with lots of heavy stuff on my mind. is it always like this.. the more you get into one thing, the more you start to learn things are not as they seem on the outside. there is always some shit going on in behind. i hate that, i don't want to be a part of anything like that, but i guess if you belong to a group of people you also have to accept it along you go. it makes me sad, that even in capoeira things can sometimes get rough, but as we are always saying, capoeira é vida. capoeira is life.. so how can it be without some ugly, unwanted stuff. things are changing and i try to be as neutral as possible. my situation is not easy at all, since i'm again the one that knows all the stories and everyone trusts me. in order to maintain this, i should stay out of it, but the fact that i belong to a group, it automatically makes me on one side, doesn't it? i don't know. i guess... but i'm not hunderd percent sure. do i have to fight with someone, that my friend is fighting with? that's not my phylosophy. people have different relationships to each other, so one can be mean to my friend, but totally nice to me for example. because we all give out different vibes. and some match, some don't. aarhg, this is too much for me today... need to get my head up straight and look positivelly forward. maybe i should read one of those manuals for life... ehehe! =)

giant billboards and the meaning of life

i fell on my head before. yeah, i was doing some capoeira experiments... what can you do!;) shit happens, i'd show the videos, but i'm just to lazy to upload them, since i would first have to learn how to do that. some other time maybe. my head hurts now...hm, maybe it'll open up for some of that knowledge that need to be injected for tomorrows exam..heheh! anyways, what have i been up too lately? eeh, nothin' much.. just stuck in this exam period..i don't know, i'm starting to think if i was taking it too serious. cause it seems as if my life stops from end of may till beggining of july and again between end of august till end of september. but no worries, it's all gone peter tong..ehehe, well the exams at least are gone. have 2 more left for next period otherwise as far as i'm concerned this studying ended for me. still can't believe it. but hei, don't worry about me, you know how i've always came up with some new ideas... well, this time is no exception. i have plans for my forth coming months. i'm gonna study for this exam to gain a tourist guide licence and then my friends... well, who knows where i'll end up. i'm so freaking excited. i know it's a long way till there, but how would a life without changes and challenges be? i hear ya... BOOORING! i know right! =)

well, jasny is in rotterdam which i intend to visit someday in october or december, still haven't decided which month is less cold and inapropriate to travel in=)) but hey...if i survived brussells in january i can do rotterdam in december!=) piece of cake ;) so, that it for today... can't tell you everything can i? i have to keep some secrets from you, and you can be sure i have some ;) just to give you a hint.. the previous post is not even close to forgotten and i've come up with some new interesting stuff. believe me, life is great is you make it for yourself. don't be afraid...just do it!


mauritius here i come...jeronimoooooo!!!!

the conspiracy theory

okay, i'm officially starting to freak out on this thing. i mean i'm not scared, cause fear is what makes us vulnerable.. but the fact that someone is playing with our lives is not the most comfortable one. i mean i was always found of the idea that WE are the makers of our own lives.. but according to some stuff i read, it is not so! my sister is laughing at me for being naive.. but i just want to explore what the hell is going on. i mean i know a lot of people maybe never even heard that there is a possibility of a great conspiracy, and that's bad. i know we all want to feel safe and cousy.. but hey, don't be so easy and think before you do something. do you really want it or does somebody else wants it and you are doing it in order to be what people think of you. i'm gonna quote David Icke who said "Only a few can control the world, because we've conceded our right to be who we are to somebody else." cause we are captured inside our little society bubble and we have this rules to which we live up to, no knowing why are they good for us, or who made them up. and somebody outside this bubble is controling all this. i just wanted to say, that we don't have to be afraid of what others think of us, we should let others be what they are and accept them, and even though we have different opinion with someone, we should let him tell his, and us having our own.. but yet be friends and respect each other. and you might wanna check on this:
david icke interwiew

feel it, listen to yourself

Čustvena inteligentnost zajema sposobnosti kot so: prepoznavanje svojih čustvenih potreb in omejitev, vzpodbujanje sebe in kljubovanje frustracijam, nadziranje vzgibov in odlaganje z zadovoljitvijo, obvladovanje razpoloženja in sproščanje stisk, ki zavirajo sposobnost razmišljanja, vživljanje v čustva drugih, upanje, razvoj sočutja itd. Čustvena inteligenca je preprosto povedano inteligentna uporaba čustev.


Čustveno inteligentna oseba ves čas ve, kaj čuti, in zna to tudi izraziti ob pravem času na prav način, pa čeprav so njena čustva "neprijetna". To ji ne omogoča le boljšega poznavanja in razumevanja svojih čustvenih potreb, temveč tudi čustvenih potreb drugih. Laže premaguje spore, zna se vživljati v druge, optimizem in pozitivna naravnanost pa jo delata močnejšo in bolj samozavestno. Čustvena inteligenca je preprosto povedano inteligentna uporaba čustev.

Inteligenco naših čustev je po mnenju mnogih strokovnjakov kar je 80 odstotkov uspeha in lahko jo razvijamo in izpopolnjujemo skozi celo življenje, v nasprotju z IQjem, ki je prirojen.

http://www.lunin.net/

it's a very important part of our lives, but i have the feeling that a lot of people never even heard about it! how can that be, i mean we are after all beings with emotions and feelings, and yet we neglect that fact often. if we are aware that there is something like emotional inteligence... we try to explore in order to understand ourselves. that is what we are doing our whole lives anyway. getting to know each other but mostly getting to understand uselves.

and in this modern times, people should not be anymore repressed by society as we see too often. the society isn't always right, even though WE are the society. boys don't cry, don't show your emotions in order to hide your true vulnerability, respect everyone around but yourself, the man is the head of the family, etc.
stuff like that often tells us how we should react to certain situations and how to feel. but you can't just tell a man ho to feel. because of that we had forgotten to listen to ourselves. i work with people in their middle age, students and children when i teach capoeira... and you know which is the most important thing we tell them? breathe, listen to your body and do what your body can do, pressure it as far as you can, but not too much. cause people are deaf for their bodies, they lost contact.

ground zero

you have to let it go once. and i know now is the perfect moment to do it! but it's just so damn hard!!! if you're reading this... you tore my heart like noone did before and i'm sorry to say this, but you didn't really deserve it. there are so many things i would like to say to you, but i have the feeling you'll never be around to hear them. you don't know how to treat people, cause you don't know how to treat yourself.

with love and forgiveness....

captivity

i am a prisoner of my own mind... isn't that what some wise man once said? well, if it didn't it sure soundz like it and i can be the smart one!=) but seriously... i'm feeling aggravated by this studying. i'm truly held in captivity of my own home, my own room! it's scary and highly uncomfortable!! i'm counting the dayz to salvation, but they just aren't anywhere in sight. it's true, all the problems i get into because of the new system of the faculty, are disabling me from having less exames.. instead i just stagnate with 4! crap!anywayz, i hope things will get better soon, therefore i can not hold it for long now. i shall explode! lately only thing that gives me some of that creativity satisfaction is discovering depths of photoshop. yeah, fuck it, but computer is my new best and closest companion.. and i love it, cause all my friendz live in it!=) it's supossed to be a joke, but it also is the sad truth. so that's it for the time being... my state of mind... captured!

saudades

i was going through some of my long forgotten stuff in my drawer. well, they were not forgotten, but simply not used or looked at for a long time. but now i did something that i was supossed to do long time ago. and i'm happy i did it. it made me bring back my memories, nice ones. those from portugal. if Piri would be reading this i would proudly tell her, that i at last did what she told me to do. i translated the story in the book you've made for me on my birthday. then i found some other stuff from portugal and among them, there were this birthday wishes that i made my friends write at my party. i love to read those. they make my heart go bouncing. i love those people, i miss them very much.and one day... i'll hug them again, maybe not all of them, but some of them for sure. i feel sentimental at the moment...

click...

here i am again.. staying up late. maybe it's good for me to get used to this, cause k4 season will start soon...so it means night shifts. anyways... my day was not as good as i expected. it started..well, it was supossed to start with an exam. but the exam was not realised, cause nobody even knew we have one.. only me and tina! disaster, it's just not professional! i'm sooo happy that i'm almost finshing my school years. i didn't say i would love to work already, but i definetly need a change and getting a real decent job would be nice. but nooo, that's another story i wanted to talk about. it's the other half of the day that made it even worse. i went for this job interwiew which i put really high hopes on. in fact i was scared on the beggining, but later on, after the interwiew i was so full of energy and eager to start work in my professional field already. but it turned out on the end, that they liked me but some geeky coleague just had a better portfolio. so, it was my first kick off! it was a funny feeling, as if when you get dumped by a guy that says... i really like you.. but as a friend!! hahaha, well, that actually happened to me not so long ago... omg, is this becoming story of my life on all fields of my life?! =)))) so, now you know... and after i came home i was just in front of my computer playing with photoshop and thinking what the hell is my life all about! and here i still am..not asking anymore, cause it's no use. oh what the hell... i'll just go with the flow and i won't push it... that's what i always say and now it's time and place to do it.



stay beautiful my friends...

in memoriam...to me

it's me, it's about me, all about me. i was thinking and i realised that i constantly think about me, myself and i. it's true.. well, i guess a lot of people do, they just don't want to admit it. well, i admit, i don't care if you think i'm narcistic...i am aware of that. every minute of my life. it could also be, that these are the consecuences of a after realtionship state... you start to turn your attention back to you. working on yourself it could be called. i don't know. i even changed my myspace background just because the theme is all about me... everyone has an idol, mine is myself!=) how is that for my ego pump?=)
and all the looks i get from people around me.. why do you think i'm such a good observer? cause i'm watching people, if they're watching me...could i be such a person? obsessed with myself? it's scary if you think about it... and i'm probably not supossed to write about this now, cause it's not doing any good to anyone. but i just had the urge to let it out. to whoever will read this. it's almost 3'am and i feel totaly wierd, as if sudenly there will be a moment of revelation and my mind willskip another level. i just love night time. your mind starts to mess with your brains and there are no other distraction coming into you, cause everybody else is already in their alfa, omega state of dreaming. but what am i doing... am i not dreaming also.. halucinating!? i don't know, all i know is that i looove it!

just flow, don't push....